We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses
📅︎ Dec 21 2020
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What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven's Last Movement

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📅︎ Nov 15 2020
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The king's chair was lumpy and uncomfortable.

He wanted it throne out

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📅︎ Sep 14 2018
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My dad's best joke

"Ain't those lumpy farts the shits?"

This is my favorite joke my dad told me. He passed away 11 years ago. When we were cleaning out his stuff, I found a blank book where he had written a bunch of dumb one-liners and favorite quotes. I photocopied them, cut them apart, and gave my sisters each an envelope full of dad's wisdom. I wish I could have seen their faces when they pulled this one out!

My sister gave me one of his old cowboy hats this week, so I've been wearing it a lot and thinking of him. Hope y'all got a chuckle out of this one.

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👤︎ u/Juevolitos
📅︎ Aug 29 2020
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Finally came full circle.

Every single time for 25 years:

Me: "Hey Dad, I have a question."

Dad: "Who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver?"

Yesterday...

Coworker: "Hey, I have a question?"

Me: "Who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver?"

The circle of life... The answer is Frank Bank if anyone is curious :)

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👤︎ u/TyGO28
📅︎ Aug 31 2013
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My father's favourite pharmaceutical jokes.

"Why is an elephant big grey and lumpy?"

"Because if it was small, round and white it would be an aspirin."

Mild titters, interrupted by:

"Why is an aspirin small, round and white?"

"To stop you from taking an elephant for a headache!"

Cue groaning.

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👤︎ u/Badgerfest
📅︎ Aug 22 2013
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Well... He's not wrong?

Me: You want a blueberry smoothie?

Dad: I think it'd be more of a blueberry lumpy.

Me: shakes head

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📅︎ Jun 14 2014
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