A lumberjack was just about to chop down a tree when, miraculously, the tree said, "don't chop me down! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack stepped back and said, "really? well, you'll die a log."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if a lumberjack is lousy?

He has a lot of axe-idents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Why did the lumberjack get back with his divorced wife?

Because he can't live without his ex

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragon_Skywalker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?

Tiiiiiimbeeeeer-ton

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down the wrong trees ?

He forgot his chopping list.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear about the lumberjack in the magic Forrest?

A lumberjack went to a magic Forrest to cut down some trees for wood. He comes up to the first tree he sees and starts to chop it down. Suddenly the tree cries out β€œWait! Don’t cut me down! I’m a magical talking tree!” The lumberjack replies β€œYou may be a magic tree but you will dialogue!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CactusMan313
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,562 trees

β€œHow do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired

Lumberjack: β€œEasy. I keep a log.”

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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what did the lumberjack do when it got dark?

He took his axe and saw.

Edit: spelling.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karl_oskar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend has divorced a lumberjack.

He is now her axe-husband.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What would a lumberjack do with an egg?

They would hatchet.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trumpigator38
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack beat me in a game of chess

Well plaid

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MovingWindows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a lumberjack who moonlighted as a serial killer. He used wood chippers to dispose of the bodies, which is why he was so prolific.

Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?

With a chinsaw.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife calls me a lumberjack

Cause i use axe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/777-Tlow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the lumberjack destroy his computer?

He was pissed that he couldn’t log-in

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudkipfan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How would you describe a lousy lumberjack?

Axe-cident prone.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack say to the talking tree as he swung his axe?

You will dialogue

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanSilver248
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"

The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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A lumberjack was at work one day and was just about to start chopping down a tree.

Suddenly the tree spoke β€˜WAIT! Don’t chop me down, I’m a talking tree!’

The lumberjack chuckled darkly and simply stated β€˜And now you will dialogue’

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/audrey_heart93
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said: β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 851
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Two lumberjacks were cutting wood. One of them shouted at the other over the noise of the chainsaw, β€œWhat was the name of that tree ring dating app you were using?”

The other replied, β€œTiiiiimmmber!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along

They saw things differently

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack say to the tree that wouldn’t talk to him?

START TALKING, OR I’LL MAKE YOU DIALOGUE!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siflbabyshifero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Tree barks. Lumberjack leaves.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Have you heard about the lumberjack/chic-punk new songstress?

Cindy Logger

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeekBill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in Massachusetts the other day and saw a drunk lumberjack...

He was the real Boston Lager

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kidazine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?

β€œI’m stumped!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypnocrates
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack walking into a magic forest and chose a tree to chop down.

when he started swinging, the tree shouted, 'wait, wait! i'm a talking tree!' the lumberjack smiled and told him, 'and you will dialogue.'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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My lumberjack friend was irate because he had such dull tools to chop trees. So he went to his foreman.

He had an ax to grind.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A sperm donor, a lumberjack, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a lumberjack sign his documents?

With an X.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alepanino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was working as a lumberjack...

but my employer gave me the axe.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL about a college for lumberjacks. I know I'd love to know more about that.

Wooden U ?

(This post made me think of it.)

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack yell when the tree bent but didn't fall?

Limber!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The lumberjack loved his computer so much.

He especially liked logging in.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/detharos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees.

I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TF79870
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 282
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentknight1991
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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