She was my first mate.
I replied βYeah, ya married me, after all!β
Couch it is thenβ¦
The police found the whole ordeal as "magically suspicious".
Because then he would have been et, too.
Who's the breadwinner now, baby?!
That smile quickly disappeared when they followed up that I was a βparticipation award husbandβ.
They were champyens.
It was revolting
Incase he gets a hole in one
.
.
.
.
Four windows down, 60 miles per hour !
Lucky.
She hates it when I interrupt her.
I guess they had their reservations.
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
But I still think they're grand dad jokes.
That place is balls to the wall.
Sheer Luck Holmes.
But I just know I can win her back!
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
You don't want to press your luck.
He was using a rabbit's foot keychain and had a small polished rock inside the metal ring, pulling it around the table.
"Dad, pretend I'm moving this boulder."
"Wow Buddy, what an amazing feet of strength"
The rock fell off the table
"Oops, went a hare to far, buddy"
He did not get either joke. My wife groaned.
. . . .
Paddy O'Furniture.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
They cracked the case
Now she's all hot and bothered.
But I think Iβm okay, it was a soft drink
So anyway that should explain the crutches and my black eye.
24 carrot gold
They're Tragically Delicious!
He said, βtheyβre always after me lucky charms!β
Luckily, I had a spare in my trunk.
It was a surreal experience.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyβre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. βIβd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,β it says. βSorry, but I canβt serve you,β the bartender replies. βYouβre out of your head.β
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. βWe donβt serve your kind here,β the bartender says. βWhy not?β one yogurt asks. βWeβre cultured.β
A friend of mine didnβt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereβs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, βWhat are you staring at? Havenβt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?β The guy says, βItβs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.β
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, βWhatβs with the paper towel?β The pirate says, βArrr! Iβve got a Bounty on me head!β
A turtle is crossing the road when heβs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, βI donβt know. It all happened so fast.β
Armed robbersβsome say theyβre a drain on society, but youβve got to give it to them.
Barbersβ¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donβt forget the pickle. Itβs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereβs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisβ¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit β‘They did unspeakable things to him.
Envelope
Police believe it is the work of a cereal killer.
They're seasoned veterans
The cop said, βThatβs not how you play the race card.β
But Iβve worn them for 10 years and Iβm sticking to them
