Dad: Look, Lizzy, there's a flock of cows standing in the field!

Lizzy: Herd of cows, dad.

Dad: Herd of 'em? There's a whole flock over there!

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👤︎ u/ThingyYeet
📅︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Lizzie Borden was found dead in the woods

Cause of death ruled Axe-idental

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Heard about the museum dedicated to Lizzie Borden?

It's a whacks museum.

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Whatever you do, don't accept friend requests from Lizzie Borden

You will get hacked

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📅︎ Oct 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend's daughter dad-joked me.

My girlfriend and daughter (2 yo) were snuggling on the couch and I told her daughter I was jealous, jokingly. She replied, "nice to meet you, jealous. I'm Lizzy!"

She's good...

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👤︎ u/The_Him
📅︎ Mar 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Medical papers

So, my mom received some medical papers in the mail. Nothing we didn't already know. Just routine stuff. Anyway, at the top of the page is printed:

Patient Name: Elizabeth Bennet (Obviously not her real name.)

And my dad reads this, and says to her, "If your patient name is Elizabeth Bennet, is your impatient name just Lizzie?"

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👤︎ u/Yoyti
📅︎ Jul 19 2014
🚨︎ report

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