Lizzie Puns

Cause of death ruled Axe-idental

It's a whacks museum.

You will get hacked

Lizzy: Herd of cows, dad.

Dad: Herd of 'em? There's a whole flock over there!

So, my mom received some medical papers in the mail. Nothing we didn't already know. Just routine stuff. Anyway, at the top of the page is printed:

Patient Name: Elizabeth Bennet (Obviously not her real name.)

And my dad reads this, and says to her, "If your patient name is Elizabeth Bennet, is your impatient name just Lizzie?"

My girlfriend and daughter (2 yo) were snuggling on the couch and I told her daughter I was jealous, jokingly. She replied, "nice to meet you, jealous. I'm Lizzy!"

She's good...