Tequila Mockingbird
My dad told me this a few months ago. And he loves to remind me of it every week. It is his dadiest dad joke. It makes him so happy and that makes me happy. Hope it made some of you smile!
Hyuck-lberry Finn
The teacher said there will be a quiz on Friday.
It feels like ancient history.
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
But... it’s lit! Hits the dad dab
All Dante.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Po-ems
Body slam poetry
High literature
His words, not mine.
Cruci-Fiction
A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
book book books.
I heard Tolstoi’s R Us is going out of business.
Yes, I'm Canterburied.
It's called Prose and Cons.
Sorry. I'll just get me coat...
Literature.
It was the breast of crimes. It was the wurst of crimes.
Cruci-fiction.
But I forgot to Count Dracula.
There was a lot of literature house.
It's so detailed, that you can say it's Thoreau.
I was in a medieval literature class in college and the professor asked the class, "what can we tell about courtly love."
To which I respond, "well, she wasn't much help to Kurt Cobain."
No one laughed while I beamed with pride at my joke.
He had to switch from Literature to Classics
Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.
I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.
It feels like ancient history.
It feels like ancient history.
Tequila Mockingbird
Tequila Mockingbird.
It feels like ancient history.
Tequila Mockingbird.
Tequila Mockingbird
Tequila Mockingbird
Tequila Mockingbird
It felt like ancient history.
Tequila mockingbird
