Car names taken literally

At US-Mexico border:

Cop: β€œName of the car?”

Guy: β€œAudi Quattro”

Cop: β€œHow many people in the car?”

Guy: β€œ5”

Cop: β€œThat’s illegal. Please step out of the vehicle.”

Guy: β€œNo, no, the car seats 5 easily. It’s just called Quattro.”

Cop: β€œSir I’m afraid that’s a safety hazard and you all cannot proceed further. Please step out of the vehicle.”

Guy: β€œThat’s nonsense. Where’s your supervisor? I would like to talk to someone sensible.”

Cop: β€œAfraid can’t do that either. He’s busy talking to those two guys in a Fiat Uno.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharmanas14
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Arrabbiata literally means β€œangry” in Italian...

Probably because the tomatoes are strained

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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The name of next year is literally

2020 won

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegitTurboDude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Friend: β€œYou told me you were interesting, but you’re literally always in bed”

Me: β€œI said I was INTO RESTING!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew of the shelves.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally

Me: When did my resume learn to talk?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.

What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?

Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maddened
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Quite Literally
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

A comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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literally.
πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally

I asked her, "Who's Literally?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XenonNade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MollyWanders
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Literally.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KediKaptan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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literally..
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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One friend of mine is LITERALLY a legend...

He always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean.

πŸ‘︎ 842
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bebelmatman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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When you realise that the shovel was literally a groundbreaking invention
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Literally took the heat off!
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav693
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpk38
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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I think this guy is going bananas. literally.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurretWalk1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Literally
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamlandblues
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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I told my sister that she was β€œliterally kidding”

when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IacobusBarbatus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Literally and Figuratively...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahidikram0701
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally

Carbon Dioxide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tutrois
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Corona is taking "viral marketing" too literally

The new campaign is a killer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Literally me
πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourzalone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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This one weird object will literally shock you!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I literally have a dentist appointment at...

Toof hurty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Byrnie1985
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I came home and saw a note from my wife stuck on the fridge: β€œI’m sorry. This isn’t working. You take things too literally. Goodbye.”

She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Literally
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.
πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ownworldman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A pun to die for,,,, literally.
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Literally just happened: Wife completing our 2020 census reading off list of ethnicities. β€œWait... what is... Chamorro?”

Me: β€œChamorro? It’s Chursday.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickfree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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I thought that this literally a dad joke /r/Jokes/comments/hbzlrw/…
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samc_16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Quite literally, indeed!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elarandra
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Costume Designers Literally Only Want One Thing...

...And It's Disguising.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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there's literally three sets of twins in my math class.

guess this year is gonna be their year- its twinny twinny after all.

*twinny twinny sounds like twenty twenty (2020)*

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/downtothechateau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Edible condoms are literally junk food
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tschatz1010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My teen daughter was complaining about life under β€œSafer at home”. β€œI can’t see my friends, there’s literally nothing to do that’s not online. Even my classes are online!”

I said, β€œOK, Zoomer.β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDRambler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Literally real life Star Wars bruhh...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XCEPTION-El
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
(My dad literally just told me this joke) A friend of mine just bought a hand gun from a t-rex.

He’s a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cl1ffordclose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Literally groundbreaking
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luditic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Clever pun, never expected that sentence to be used literally and as a pun.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperWizard7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Did he take it literally or figuratively?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insteadoflattes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It's literally a weighing machine
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_E_K_1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Took it literally
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hdmeltdown2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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No one: Literally No one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Literally.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IMakePuns000
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
its hard to talk to kleptomaniacs because they take things... literally
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blipityblob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Taking things literally

is stealing.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv1236
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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