At US-Mexico border:
Cop: “Name of the car?”
Guy: “Audi Quattro”
Cop: “How many people in the car?”
Guy: “5”
Cop: “That’s illegal. Please step out of the vehicle.”
Guy: “No, no, the car seats 5 easily. It’s just called Quattro.”
Cop: “Sir I’m afraid that’s a safety hazard and you all cannot proceed further. Please step out of the vehicle.”
Guy: “That’s nonsense. Where’s your supervisor? I would like to talk to someone sensible.”
Cop: “Afraid can’t do that either. He’s busy talking to those two guys in a Fiat Uno.”
Probably because the tomatoes are strained
Me: “I said I was INTO RESTING!”
Me: When did my resume learn to talk?
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
I asked her, "Who's Literally?"
He always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean.
when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)
Carbon Dioxide
The new campaign is a killer
Toof hurty
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
Me: “Chamorro? It’s Chursday.”
...And It's Disguising.
guess this year is gonna be their year- its twinny twinny after all.
*twinny twinny sounds like twenty twenty (2020)*
I said, “OK, Zoomer.“
He’s a small arms dealer.
