I had to have my pet centipede put to sleep this week, after he lost 84 of his limbs.

The vet said, he was on his last legs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Going out on a limb here hoping this is not a repost
πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus

He said β€œI heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend didn't trust the surgeon with no limbs

I said "don't worry, he's armless"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigconk69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a book about limbs taking over the world

It was armageddon

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.

Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The poor willow in my backyard just broke one of its main limbs off.

Now it's an amputree!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I can amputate grizzly limbs if I want to.

The constitution gives me the right to bear arms.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.

I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a specialised vendor today to buy a prosthetic limb.

But when I got there ownership had changed hands.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man with muscular furred limbs and claws walks into a bar

The bartender gives the man a funny look then the man says: "What? I have the right to bear arms".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuttingEdge132
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs

I called it the second hand second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street.

He’s an arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What's long, brown, and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EggDog69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Earlier today, a man was seen robbing a prosthetic limb factory.

Witnesses say he's armed and dangerous.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Electricman82006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A limb, a limb, my kingdom for a limb
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grenadier_Hanz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started a business exporting artificial limbs to hospitals in foreign countries.

He’s an International Arms Dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, why did they cut off people's hands for theft in the past?

Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.

I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Actual joke my Dad just said to me:

Me: Urgh, my foot has fallen asleep, I hate when that happens.

Dad: That’s annoying; now it’s not going to be able to get to sleep tonight!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zoe270101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a treemendous pun!
πŸ‘︎ 847
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut off a pig’s limb it would be a hamputation.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Youngdoorstop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my kids that girls would often "go out on a limb" for Andre the Giant.

Then I showed them that famous photo of the four ladies sitting on his arms outstretched. (The sub doesn't allow photos posted)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are prosthetic limbs so expensive?

They'll cost you an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kris754a
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My prosthetic limbs business has taken off and we made our first shipment abroad.

I am now an international arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Going out on a limb here, hoping this wood help with rekindling our relationship.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeliddle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Got mugged by some limbed fruit yesterday..

can't believe i was a victim of armed strobbery.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlipSix3Hole_
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbour asked me β€œHey, how much wood did you chop today?”

I said, β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 193
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
An octopus’s limbs look exactly alike

They’re itentacle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I replaced my bowstring with a thin tree limb.

It will break eventually, but it hasn't yet, so I'll nock on wood!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I think...

I probably failed my arboreal safety exam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The weather girl was wrong and got me into an accident which broke all my limbs...

it was a bad 4-cast

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Captain Hook bought his prosthetic limb at a second hand store.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup4545
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a man who a had an entirely wooden car. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden engine. Did he ride it? No.

It wooden start.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyLord_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I took out a loan with a bank who cut off your limbs if you didn’t meet the payments

Cost me an arm and a leg to keep up with their interest rates

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harry_Mote
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You hear about the guy with new limbs?

I heard he's armed now

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsroman98
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
🚨︎ report
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.

β€œPull yourself together.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Never wear feline prosthetic limbs that have been given a high military ranking...

It's a major faux paw.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call karate for amputees?

Partial arts

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brandomenon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied, β€œI know. I amputated your arms!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched a documentary on people who had lost mobility in their limbs last night

It was lame.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mbennett49
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Potential storage loft for salaried athletes’ prosthetics is in question:

...could be pro-limb-attic!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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