I hope you're all having a de-lightful Christmas! imgur.com/y4HPybt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wide_white
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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The barman says, β€œSorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Where was Moses when the lights went out?

In the dark.

My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.

Guess they needed an emergency service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darksteel_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I have always been a light eater...

When it gets light, I start eating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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362 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up...

Unbelievable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralph-Hinkley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Just took down my icicle lights..

Now my hands are frozen..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpykixdopey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Seriously guys. Take your Christmas lights down.

Christmas was literally last year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What is the dish that likes using the light switch?

StrogONOFF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saazkwat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?

Aurora Borealis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

β€”

My 9yr old son just told me this πŸ€ͺ

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pagameba
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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A big light switch is a major turn-on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Why did the flash light get arrested?...

.

.

.

.

For public flashing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elfere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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How can Jedis swing so lightly with a lightsaber and still cut through everything so easily.

They swing with alot of Force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notathrowaway2937
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Brazilian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronclark384
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Selena traffic light
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliv071b
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,

I don't listen - and something else.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Why did the dad kneel on the Christmas lights?

He wanted to put up neon lights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.

My dog was delighted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One... Or two.

One......... Or two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...

We had to hold Hans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Why is dark written with a K not a C?

Because you can't C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Mechatronix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My car had check engine light on...

So I told my son that the car might be β€œsick”.

My son said: β€œdoes it have the Car-onavirus?” And started cracking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JordanMichael08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A fish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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The light of my life, a future dad:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rooftopfilth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I had a girlfriend years ago that had a passion for light switches

It was an on/off relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:

Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!

I’m so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessieface13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Didn't light up on SLPT, maybe y'all will like it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!

Me: No, it's only one foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timbillyosu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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How do you "kill the lights"?

You hang them from the ceiling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDimps
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profusly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskyEchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Light travels faster than sound..

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Switch Light
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yppah118
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Very strong indeed
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slayer420698
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I’m about to change

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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It’s a β€œknight light”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnb1114
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHotSouthWinds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How many witches does it take to change a light bulb...

Into what ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoppingMusic21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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