The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
Where was Moses when the lights went out?
In the dark.
My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
I have always been a light eater...
When it gets light, I start eating.
362 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up...
Just took down my icicle lights..
Now my hands are frozen..
Seriously guys. Take your Christmas lights down.
Christmas was literally last year.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
—
My 9yr old son just told me this 🤪
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
A big light switch is a major turn-on
Why did the flash light get arrested?...
.
.
.
.
For public flashing.
How can Jedis swing so lightly with a lightsaber and still cut through everything so easily.
They swing with alot of Force.
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
Why did the dad kneel on the Christmas lights?
He wanted to put up neon lights.
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One... Or two.
One......... Or two.
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..
We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright
My car had check engine light on...
So I told my son that the car might be “sick”.
My son said: “does it have the Car-onavirus?” And started cracking up.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The light of my life, a future dad:
I had a girlfriend years ago that had a passion for light switches
It was an on/off relationship
Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:
Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!
I’m so proud.
Didn't light up on SLPT, maybe y'all will like it.
Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!
Me: No, it's only one foot.
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
What lights up a soccer stadium?
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
Light travels faster than sound..
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m about to change
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb...
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
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