He's the pitcher.
It was stirring
He's the pitcher.
Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.
Roll with the PUNCHES!
He's quite the Pitcher.
MAKE AMERICA GRAPE AGAIN
Oh yeah
Me: dad don't fucking do it!
Dad: you might say its to die for!
Me: God damnit
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
When the punchline is apparent
A kool-aid
Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.
Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.
Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!
After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.
The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.
Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.
BZZZZZZ
Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.
BZZZZZZ
Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.
Guard : "Excuse me um, J
... keep reading on reddit ➡Dads asks “what are you playing son?” Son seems aggravated by being interrupted and answers, “Minecraft. “
Dad replies “so one could say you’re practicing for a career in the mining business.”
Kid says, “why don’t you mine your own business and leave me alone!”
Son: “what kind of bear never gets hot?” ... Son: “-a kool..alla “
Daughter: “what do you call a witch you’ve never met?” ... Daughter: “hermione stranger”
Wife: “what do you call a squishy collection of domiciles?” ... Wife: “mush room”
Daughter: “what do you call a Canadian cow?” ... Daughter: “moooooose”
Me: “what beverage do you get when you remove a baby cow from its Mom?” ... Me: “decalf”
I also submitted my joke about the earthquake, like a letter gone international (it’s in another post) or a wayward string gone rogue (in another thread)
I have the best family.
I'm not sure why bands are throwing chicken at people nowadays, but I guess at least fans won't go hungry.
"I'm like Kool-aid".
ten minutes later dad runs back into the room
"No! Wait! I'm cooler than Kool-aid. I'm iced tea."
He still calls himself "iced tea" under his breath sometimes.
Little sister: "I had to water the kool-aid down, it was really strong."
Grandpa: "Oh, was it running, or lifting weights?"
My wife was putting Kool-Aid bursts into the fridge for our son when she asked me "Did you drink these as a kid?"
My response "OH YEEAAAHHH"
She just stood there starting at me.
