"70707." He gets me.
And that’s the story of how she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon
And now I can't Return it.
A major problem.
i did some research & to my conclusion, capitalism is what’s wrong with society
Luckily, the damage appears to B minor
Me: "They're from the space bar and Enter key.“
Some will say I'm a monster, but others will say I'm a nomster.
Side note: not my joke, I saw it on r/marvelmemes
The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.
But today I ran out of control.
It's a real dive.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Talk to your door because communication is the key
It opened a lot of doors for me.
A scalpel
It was freaky
A monkey and a donkey
Great customer cervix.
A flat miner
.....has travelled further than your car.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡I will find you. You have my Word.
Do they refuse to picket?
I've lost control (shows ctrl key); There is no escape (shows esc key); I need space (shows space bar).....
Proud moment, but also, broken keyboard......
They said he was their key player
is the key to my success
So I thought it was caused by faulty instrumentation but it was really due to Pilate error.
Here's a few of the best (or worst if you listen to my wife)
What car can drive in the sea? A Toy-Boat-a
What car can you play with in the bath? A Toy-Boat-a
What car is always wet? A Ford
What car can open your house? A Key-a
Where do cars buy their furniture from? Ikea
What car can you buy groceries from? An Audi
