You know why our dancers don't move their arms when their dancing?
Their arms have been decommissioned.
Spat ma Guinness.........
RIP Finn you funny bastard.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Rick O'Shea !!!!
This is a kerry man joke, but it applies A Kerry-man's wife is feeling generous one day and asks him one day if he would like super sex? The Kerry-man thinks for a second and then asks his wife: "What kind of soup is it?"
Brother: Actually John Kerry doesn't talk to Hamas either. He uses Turkey to talk to Hamas.
Me: Well, they do more gobbling than talking.
Groans were had. (Except for my brother's friend who was tickled pink and gave me a high five!!)
While watching the pre-Oscars red carpet:
Girlfriend: "Kerry Washington's dress is really boring"
Me: "I guess you'd call that a...Scandal."
