My cocky jockey friend likes to brag about how he gets to smoke weed while on the job.

I told him to get off his high horse.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FrankDaTank787
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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A man on the side of the highway is running around in his underwear...

A car pulls over and the man stops to see why.

โ€œWhy are you in your underwear?โ€ The person in the car asks

โ€œWell, you are too, you just have clothes on over them.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RN_FADED
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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A jockey was disqualified after training his horse to attack other riders

It was an excessive use of horse.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/maggock
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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I made up a racist joke.

A cyclist, a swimmer, a jockey, and a greyhound all walk into a bar.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oninekko
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/onmugen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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A caller gets through to a radio station contest

Radio Jockey Randy : Okay caller, here is the final question for $5,000 cash.

Contestant : Iโ€™m ready, Randy!

Radio Jockey Randy : Name three automobiles that start with โ€˜Pโ€™.

Contestant : Uh ... Porsche, Pontiac and Plymouth!

Radio Jockey Randy : Oh, Iโ€™m sorry contestant, those all start with GAS!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jetavator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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Dad talking about DJ's

"Son, if you want to become a popular disc jockey, you got to start from scratch."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rodevilfred
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2016
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Why did the horse go behind the tree?

He needed to change his jockeys.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/winnieismydog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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I don't see any obstacles...

said the blind jockey.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CamelCaseSpelled
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
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