I bought a boat, and named it "The Unpaid Intern"

So now I tell people I have an unpaid intern-ship.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twisted_Schwartz_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a normal intern and a tech intern?

One gets people coffee, and the other sends Java programs

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobadabing
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Ah, international puns.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should Australians be banned from international chess tournaments?

Cos they keep saying "check, mate"

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiaodaireddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...

...I have to leave Home Depot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the internal temperature of a taunton?

Lukewarm

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I was going to smoke a cigar on International Women’s Day

I had a cigarette instead

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhackert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsβ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineβ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungcfa
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
While traveling internationally , I purchased a new car made in Prague for pretty cheap...

When I first started it, the Czech engine light came on!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cysec
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't Abraham Lincoln be arrested?

He's in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...

she immediately responded, "50 cent"

it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fajita43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you guys seen the International space station??

Its out of this world!

How it works is above me!

Someone tried to explain it to me but it flew right above my head!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydro_12345
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?

Re:LAX

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptavis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
International

What do you call a Russian with 3 testicles?

Whoodya nickaknackeroff

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/discosatan71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Overheard at an international chemistry competition

Said by a British chemist: "I'll kick your arsenic!"

Said by an American chemist: "I'll kick your astatine!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
*internal screaming*
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemeHutz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who cleans the outside of the International Space Station?

A vacuum cleaner

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.

The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:

"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
After a long hour of deep internal reflection
πŸ‘︎ 467
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakyu2
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A reminder that it’s International Diarrhoea Week

Runs until Friday

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fantasypaladin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the international religion of economics

"Dowism."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusty_marshmello
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s international sound check day

1 2 1 2

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beefy_storms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Dude, where’s my
πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcus-Prince
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between the government and the mafia?

The mafia can turn a profit!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebrostien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Internal cringe intensifies
πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/signawhir
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipGlassEye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
An international arms dealer.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I was once in a band called 999 megabytes.

We could never quite get a gig.

Edit: I was aware that it's 1024 Meg to a gig, but "a band called 1023 megabytes" doesn't have the same ring to it. Also doesn't getting the IT wrong make it more dad like?

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do they keep astronauts warm on the International Space Station?

Space heaters

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlaterTech
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
These are very important lab-reports
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
International concerns
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beam_me_up_leela
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where is it!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling international today: Having Fish and Chips for lunch.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alzyma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when people are getting married in the International Space Station?

Tying the astroknot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salmonellatuna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the computer shop and told them our family computer has an internal part that has stopped working

The shop assistant said, "Motherboard?"

I said, "Yeah, she can't do online shopping anymore"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: this is my house

Friend: what's upstairs Me: stairs don't talk

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryan3ap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor said I have a lot of internal bleeding.

That's good because it's where blood is meant to be.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naked_Grandma-69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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