My local Waffle House has a new insurance plan.
They're now covered and smothered.
What do medical insurance companies call an elective procedure?
What do hospital gowns and insurance have in common?
You think you're covered, but, you're not.
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance
When I fled the scene of the accident.
Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
They’re technically Elf employed
I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection...
What kind of health insurance do Halloween creatures have?
I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.
They told me, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...
So I decided to go with the Flo.
I saw an insurance commercial with a gay couple in it.
Guess it was Progressive.
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse
I broke my leg and had to go on Short Term Disability
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
What kind of insurance do candles companies get?
My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
How do ants protect their sweets?
What kind of car insurance does a rat have?
Getting good dental insurance...
...is like pulling teeth.
What do you call Batman insurance policies?
When you're driving but can't see that well...
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
Elon Musk’s car insurance must be astronomical!
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.
New glasses are $144 after insurance.
Earthquakes are rare in my area...
so I have no fault insurance.
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.
I had to go with the Flo.
A girl on Tinder told me she wanted to be friends with benefits.
But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.
My dad sells life insurance
And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. “[His Name], your agent for life”
What is the best car insurance a snake can get?
What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?
Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?
Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?
Because he already had... anti-accidents.
Me: that was the insurance company
Dad: what’d they say?
Me: they’ll pay me for the tow
Dad: why do they want your big toe?
Not a joke, but this just happened...
Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:
Wife: "Are you going to make it?"
Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"
Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"
Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough
Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"
My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.
My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.
I told him he really should look into it.
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.
So I think I’ll get a quote.
If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...
Would I have to foot the bill?
My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
If number 666 is evil,
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
I was trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but I was refused.
The company said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.
They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection!
I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tents get blown over, you won’t be covered.”
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.
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