Slovenliness Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

“The words, they are easy enough, simple enough for even the youngest and shyest of councilors. Lord Edmyn ensured as much when he founded the council over a century ago.”

Another lecture from Alton Chambers, Steward of Riverrun, his grey mutton-chops bristling as his cheeks raised into a satisfied smile. He had a way of always seeming “satisfied”. Even when he mucked everything up, even when some considered him a disgrace for his frequent forgetfulness, he smiled.

Kermit nodded. The Lord of Riverrun was sitting at the end of the long table: the only table left inside the sparse chambers supposedly meant for his Privy Council. Save for the table and a handful of chairs, the red sandstone room was empty. Years of neglect had seen its furnishings taken elsewhere, to smaller, less important rooms, as the most vital chamber in all the Riverlands had slowly become forgotten.

Even before his age took his mind, my great-grandfather was an imbecile. How had he allowed the authority of the family to decline so drastically? It seemed as though it must’ve been on purpose, for no other reason – even simple slovenliness – seemed adequate enough to explain the complete horrid state of affairs.

“We shall administer a new vow,” Kermit said, finger tapping on a fresh roll of parchment, long lines of ink barely dry. “It harkens back to the vows of Benedict Justman. Back when lords could be counted on for their loyalty and literacy.”

Alton harrumphed. “That is contrary to what your uncle suggested, my lord. And as Lord Solicitor he would know best in matters like these. The… the legalese of contracts and such. The verb—”

“Former Lord Solicitor,” Kermit corrected, quickly losing his patience. “Indeed, it seems my uncle is an expert in only what benefits him at the time. First law, now coin. Come Spring he will be a master of war or the High Septon himself.”

Steward Alton offered no suitable response, his smile now quite clearly forced, and Kermit was satisfied throughly by that fact.

“The entire room will need be refurbished by the end of the week. Have the old curtains, tapestries, and rugs brought in— as well as a few braziers. I wish to discuss these important matters surrounded by color and warmth, not from the inside of my tomb.”

6th Moon, 135 AC, Riverrun, the Chamber of the Privy Council

And so, his words became reality. By the end of the week the cold, dreary and dreadful chamber was restored to its former state of stateliness. An entirely ne

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If it is not new to you please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!