My wife takes away my inhaler whenever I act up

To this day, she still takes my breath away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohm_B
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
found this on r/blursedimages. Meet Vlad the Inhaler
πŸ‘︎ 428
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S1isbetterthanyou
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Vlad The Inhaler
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PonderingWalnut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just used this pickup line on my mom at breakfast: "Hey Babe..... do you have an inhaler?"

".....cuz you got dat assssss, ma!"

I spit out my cornflakes and ironically was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

πŸ‘︎ 331
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
🚨︎ report
So once this kid asked me for his inhaler,

I said inhaler I barely know her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmoMcNugget
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Did you hear about the glassblower who inhaled?

He got stomach pane.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquishedGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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You know why inhaling helium will make a man sound like a woman?

Because helium is a no-ball gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenhamef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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I once got severe pain in my head from inhaling too much of steam.

It was a big mist-ache

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x_amxxn_x
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I inhaled my juice when I read this, now I'm coffin'
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cooldude075
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Before XL there is inhale
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n00bgamer999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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If you die from inhaling muffler fumes...

Do you die from exhaustion?

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TayDestroyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I met a strange man the other day really trying to sell me the health benefits of inhaling helium.

He spoke very highly off it.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockplops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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Do not inhale poisonous gases

Or you will sulfer the consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sumerseth1996
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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What do you call a fish wearing a tie

Sofishticated

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harvest86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the noble pirates inhale ?

Arrrrrrrrgon

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when gamers inhale ground pepper?

They'll SNES.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RainMorga
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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After inhaling helium, I felt lightheaded
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tenhourguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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reddit

guys

GUYS

GUYS

I HAVE A REALIZATION

Reddit.

*inhales*

^(IT'S BECAUSE YOU)

READ IT

THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE IS A PUN

HOW BLIND WE ARE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePastelCactus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a Romanian kid in our class with asthma.

We called him Vlad the Inhaler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingfreak207
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Why do some people post long jokes here?

This isn't where they be long.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?

The hip replacement guy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Spanish speaking magician say right before he performed his vanaishing trick?

"Uno, dos..."

And then POOF! He disappeared.

Without a tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a vaping vampire.

He called himself Vlad the Inhaler.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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When does a joke become a dad joke?

It becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClimbingCactus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the best time to visit a dentist?

2:30

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Which sex hormone hates going west?

Eastrogen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I kept bothering blizzard for banning hk supporter

He told me β€œwhat do you want with Mei

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexandrezico10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd tell a Jonestown joke, but

the punchline is too long

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at a dad joke

The devil invented smoking, because it makes you inhale

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuggaThug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the asthmatic vampire's name?

Vlad the Inhaler.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HTownRunAsOne
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad that said "By investing just $15, you can sit and eat for your lifetime!" Naturally, I was interested and went there.

They were selling chairs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niranjan23d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an asthmatic vampire?

Vlad the Inhaler

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My roomate's brother makes a duck call.

So My roomate invited me to his family Thanksgiving/holiday party yesterday. After dessert we're all sitting around and the children present are being rowdy. My roomate's brother calls them all over to our table and insists on showing them how to make a duck call. He begins ripping apart an empty soda can and wrapping it up in a very complicated fashion with a napkin and a plastic fork. He meticulously takes the top off, makes strips of metal, and winds them into this plastic fork. He carries on like this for about five minutes, the children utterly transfixed, sit watching until his creation is finally "complete". He then holds it up to his mouth, inhales, and shouts: "HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilboBaggins93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
An inventor was making a new engine

... but he was having trouble with the fuel pump. Every time the pressure dropped, it would start getting clogged and would shut down.

Eventually he had inspiration, and set things up to work in parallel: now if one intake started having trouble, the rest would still keep it running smoothly.

Lesson learned, don't put all your ebbs in one gasket

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Happy Father's Day

And I hope your night will be okay, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/entredeuxeaux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Bunch of junkies in an alley late at night getting their fix...

...one of them is inhaling deeply from a large bag of cement, he was on the hard stuff!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebut38
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Lindsay May

My brother was late home yesterday, and he lied about why he was late. My mother found out the real reason he was late from his friend.

Apparantly, he'd gone on the bus with his girlfriend Lindsay May to her house.

When my mother was retelling this story just now, my uncle, who is a dad, just said "I guess he was hoping Lindsay Will."

My brother inhaled half his coke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koneko394
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Just heard there was a fire on the Star Wars set

Two people have been treated for Snoke inhalation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Automaton120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
A man obsessed with tractors

A 22 year-old man was obsessed with tractors, so much so that he had no social life outside of his fascination with farm machinery. His mother eventually intervened, forcing him to throw away all of his tractor merchandise and ordered him to find himself a girlfriend.

The man went to a bar that night in search of a partner and encountered a beautiful blonde. After exchanging pleasantries, the two moved outside in order to have a proper conversation away from the music. As they ventured into the smoking area, the woman complained that she hated the cigarette fumes which had engulfed them. Without flinching, the man took a huge, deep breath and inhaled all of the second-hand smoke in the vicinity.

Staring on in amazement, the woman asks how he could possibly have removed the smoke from the room.

The man turns back to her and replies: "I'm an ex tractor fan"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pablord13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Concert Dadjoke

"Dad, we're going to a Weezer concert."

"Don't forget to bring your inhaler!" He then puts up his hand for a high five.

The joke doesn't really line up, but he tried.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grebilrancher
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Do you have an inhaler?

Cuz you got dat ass, ma

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad: Do you have an inhaler?

....cuz you got dat ass, ma.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an asthmatic vampire?

Vlad The Inhaler.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremyrons
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
🚨︎ report

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