An infantesimal.
Our tagline: “We remove your tense”
...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.
She had egg-zema.
Just click this link.
Now I have a little melon-collie.
I don’t know how many times I’ve told them that sound can’t travel in a vacuum. And then after they tell me I’m so annoying, I say “my name isn’t ‘so annoying’. It’s dad”.
My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".
...
More silence
...
"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.
It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.
Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.
Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!
I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.
It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.
Either you're stuck with double the dad jokes or an infinite loop of go ask your mom..
...and asks for a beer. Another one walks in and asks for half a beer. And another one walks in and asks for 1/4 of a beer. And so on, infinitely.
The bartender puts two beers on the table and says, "You guys should learn your limits!"
They're both fruit.
So my daughter was full last night, so I gave her the ol' "Hi Full, I'm Daddy!" for the very first time.
She paused, looked at me like I was dumb, and said "My NAME is not Full. I AM full."
"Hi Not Full, I'm Daddy!"
She paused again, and said "My NAME is not Not Full. I'm full!"
"Hi Not Not Full, I'm Daddy!"
She figures out that this could go on forever and cracks up laughing. When she finishes she looks at me with a glimmer in her eye and tells me "I feel full." She never says "I'm full" now, and always uses "I feel full."
I'm not really sure where to go from here, guys. Help?
The first asks for a pint of beer. The second asks for 1/2 of a pint of beer. The third asks for 1/4 of a pint of beer, etc.
The bartender fills 2 pints of beer, and walks away.
She replied: Probably, with all the formula he's been having!
It’s hard to differentiate between them
Because it fell on its side and became infinitely better.
The first one ordered one beer, the second ordered 1/2 a beer, the third ordered 1/4 of a beer and so on.
The bartender poured two beers and said:
“I know my limits”
I don't know what she is up to now.
Meloncholy
What you lot do, truly requires infinite focus
They always divide people and it adds up to arguments in the comments
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
Irrational
