A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Willie Lump Lump and the Mongoose

Many years ago, Β Red Skelton Β told the following joke using his inebriate character, Willie Lump Lump.

Willie explained to the young lady, β€œI keep a mongoose in my coat pocket. Β  That way, when I go home after drinking, and there are snakes all over the lawn of my yard, I let the mongoose loose and he kills them all, so it’s safe for me to enter the house.”

The young woman sadly tried to explain, β€œI’ve got news for you, Mr. Lump Lump, those snakes are imaginary!”

Willie Lump Lump replied, β€œI’ve got news for Β you, so is the mongoose!”

http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/willie-lump-lump-and-the-mongoose/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Just a stranger in kneed of some knee puns

No, really. I have a report on knees due this week, but I got too inebriated to finish on my own. My partner got pissed at me, which I understand because this project is a joint effort and all.

So I need Reddit's help to come up with some good ones to save the day and make the class laugh!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyMoth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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So, it's 3am, I'm at Denny's...

The bill comes, and after a night of heavy drinking all anybody has left is loose change.

We (about 6 people) split up the bill and count our change onto the table.

Waitress comes by, sees that were settling the bill, and she says, "do you guys need any change?"

Without missing a beat my bearded husky inebriated friend returns, "yes, dimes and nickles will suffice"

The waitress was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5eight13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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