It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.

Either it sucks or it sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heybuddy313
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.

They had to SeverNyah

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Mission Impossible's star give when he f**ks up?

excruises

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hurtkopain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Impossible Foods is introducing a new line of Edible Plant based Panties.

They call them Bloomers!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dusty-cat-albany
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s ruler of Egypt? When told β€˜that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.

People say he’s in da Nile

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Impossible to resist
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StillPatience
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said that its impossible for a river to move through the desert.

I told him he was in deNile.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but couldn't take it. It was impossible to get that damn lid off...

You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It would be impossible to host a professional hide n seek tournament

Since good players are hard to find

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-k_i_l_r_o_y-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an almost impossible bubble?

Improbable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mekkanik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
It's impossible to get a reservation in the library.

They are always fully booked.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that it's impossible for a nose to be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MathiasaurusRex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot4601
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I read a book about an immortal dog the other day.

it was impossible to put down.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyanide_Gaming2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Chemistry professor: It is impossible to be both acidic and basic at the same time.

White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elasticpython
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A dad joke...what else do we put here?

Wife: You ruined my birthday

Me: Impossible, I don't even know when your birthday is

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dateach01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call water that’s impossible to freeze?

Noticeable.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s impossible to buy an unused mirror
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Its impossible to spell anything without a
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitakt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
An Impossible Riddle

Today my father asked me:

F: "Someone's mother.."

Me: "Oh no, please no" (In mind)

F (continues) : "... has four kids: west, south, and north. What is the name of the fourth kid? Tell me"

Me: "..." (Is he making fun of the riddle or himself)

F: "And let me tell you the answer is not EAST, haha"

Me: "..."

F: "It isn't easy eh?"

Me: "Kill me god, please just kill me. This is so painful"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razor54672
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s biologically impossible for 2 Asian parents to give birth to a Caucasian child.

Which actually proves the old saying β€œtwo Wongs don’t make a white”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/probablynotanazi9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If two people love each other, nothing is impossible.

Except deciding where to eat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it impossible to download a banana from Torrents?

Because it has no seeds.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FagAfterShag
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been trying to launch my business importing Soviet neckwear but in this political climate its impossible.

No one wants anything to do with my Russian ties.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/symmetrygear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A man said he was making prosthetic eyes. A blind man says it’s impossible

The man just says, you’ll see.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noah-Heartfield
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to file a lawsuit against U2, but I am finding it impossible to hire a lawyer.

Either they charge a lot of money, or they are pro bono.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Who's the one who can make the possible impossible?

I M.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadNigga
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfy9001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A police officer told me that my dog was chasing a man on a bicycle. I told him that’s impossible.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbelvedere2017
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there. (Read aloud)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_ryan_guy88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?

Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faux_real_yo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the General put this Armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you guys help me develop a list of puns with the name "impossible burger?"

So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards, Thomas

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zhaoneng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Had a kid tell me to "grow up." I said that's impossible

I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/efluvient_son
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The person that came up with β€œNothing is impossible” is wrong.

I’ve successfully done nothing all weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
If two vegetarians had a fight..

Would it be called a beef?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j2ui
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pattersonjeffa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book about an immortal horse the other day.

It was impossible to put down

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonLarson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti gravity

It's impossible to put down

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DELTA213203
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkumbagKira
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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