A list of puns related to "I Formation"
or kestrel maneuvers in the dark
He looked to me and said, "Do you know why the left side of the V formation is longer?"
So I told him, "I can't think of a reason, why?"
So he enlightened me, "It's because it has more geese in it."
A friend asked, “What rock is that?”
I reply, “I am not sure that rock has a name.”
My uncle chimes in.
“They wouldn't answer to their names anyway.”
So my cousin was talking about driving and said how she went into a snowbank the other day. and i said “yeah she took out a loan” and everyone laughed, especially my dad. proudest moment of my life.
So I re-typed the letter with Times New Romance
Without any hesitation, the homeless man pounces into the water to save him. After doing CPR on the well dressed man he coughs the water from his lungs, the business man gratefully thanks the homeless man.
The business man says "Is there anything I can do for you? Money is something not out of the question."
The homeless man responds "I'd honestly just be grateful for a job, sir."
So the business man nods "That is something I can definitely help you out with, have you ever had an opportunity to work on a cruise ship?"
A few days later, the homeless man is hooked up with working a job as a janitor for the night shift. The captain of the ship tells the homeless "We just need you working night shift, and since this is a provide entertainment for higher classed individuals, we can't have you wondering around during the day. On the off hand you're pleased to do whatever you please after your shift." The homeless man then nods understanding the situation.
Later during that night the captain is casual watching over the homeless man in his free time, and he's absolutely baffled by this dive he's witnessed. He rushes down to him and explains
"Do you have any idea how insane that dive was?"
The man just mutters to the captain "No? It's was just a simple dive, right?"
The captain examines "In my entire life I have never seen some dive without making a simple SPLASH! There has never been a human alive to this date that was able to accomplish what you just did!"
The man is taken aback for a second and says "So what are you saying to me?"
The captain rambles on more "I'll make a deal with you, every night we're going to take the diving board up, and we're going to put on a show for every single passenger."
So every night they're training, taking the diving board higher and higher, and every singletime he hit the water there isnt a single splash. Then the day finally came and all the passengers flood around the boat to see the dive. So the man approaches the ladder and he just starts climbing and climbing. He climbed till he couldn't see the boat anymore, and he climbed till he could see curvature of the Earth.
And finally he jumps. He's just falling and falling till he passed the clouds then can finally see the boat. His formation falls into perfection. He finally hits the pool and like ever other night there wasn't singular splash. But he keeps going and smashes through the ENTIRE ship. So the man swims around to the side of the sinking ship.
The captain
... keep reading on reddit ➡My 4 year old daughter said she was hungry and her grandpa responded: "Hi Hungry, I'm Grandpa" to which she said, "No grandpa! 'Daughter's Name' is hungry!"
12 hours later, I was talking to my wife with daughter in the same room. I lamented saying that I'm tired. A couple of beats of silence later she quietly says "Watcha doing, Tired?" After fits of laughter all around, I couldn't be more proud!
Side note, she has the best comebacks for all of my classic dad jokes. For example, with "Got your nose," she calmly reaches toward my grabbing hand, puts it back to her nose and says, "I got it back." And I can't even argue because she uses the same Dad Joke logic to get her nose back!
Sorry if this isn't the typical Dad Joke format, I just wanted to share something that brings a smile to my face every time I think about it.
Me: picks her up
1mo: stops crying
Wife: How did you do that?
Me: Well, I do have more experience than you with picking up girls.
(Edit: formatting for easier readability)
…and the interviewer asked me: “where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?”
“In the mirror,” I replied.
Edit: formatting
The first order of business is asking everyone to ease off the "I was going to tell a ____ joke, but..." format for a while. Too many are reporting those as reposts. I like them, but there is the "comedic rule of 3," so maybe we can lay off telling them for a while. That goes for various permutations of this setup as well. So let's try not to wear others' punderwear.
Next, we have an issue with too many reporting things that are not in violation of either our rules or site-wide rules, and falsely accusing power users and karma-getters of being spambots. Our overall policy is not to remove high-karma posts unless they are actual commercial spam or are told at the expense of marginalized groups (per Reddit's sitewide rule #1). Please do not use the Report button as a "super downvote."
Then, there probably needs to be a reminder to try avoiding the "one-joke" style of puns. I like them, but Reddit doesn't like them (sitewide rule #1) and they are outside our rules too (rule #7). I wish we could host those here as I find them funny, and I don't appreciate folks who are overly thin-skinned. The Reddit admins seem to have a zero-tolerance stance against such jokes/puns, even if there are no hateful motives underneath.
And of course, I want to remind the users here that they are just awesome! Without you, this sub would not be what it is.
If others want to make puns about this below, feel free! And as always, have fun!
For context I work in a prison as a nurse. The other nurses were looking up charges for one of the inmates and hes in for capital murder. One of the nurses asks, "Whats the difference between capital murder and just murder anyway?" to which I was quick to say "usually a bigger M"
I guess Ive been a dad too long now that it comes natural
Guitar playthrough of a song the video titled, "Playing God Unplugged" and thought to myself, God looks an awful lot like a guitar.
(Bad formatting, I know, :( woulda worked better if this sub allowed images.)
It was entirely justified!
Basically, how do I avoid spoiling the joke? Do I have to put some kind of page break before I type the answer?
But I don’t know how to format it
Me: Hey son, how was your day?
Son: Not that good.
Me, genuinely concerned: Why?
Son: Apparently, I didnt do enough?
Me, even more concerned: Why? What happened?
Son: Nothing, I just have to go back tomorrow.
Edit: Formatting, and he told me off as I didn't include the word 'apparrently'.
We see a flock of geese flying in a “V” formation and my dad asks, “Do you know why when geese fly in a ‘V’ it’s never even, there’s always more on one side of the ‘V’ than the other?”
Intrigued, I ask, “Why?”
He says, “Because they always fly in odd numbers..”
I asked her if she knew why one side of the "V" formation was longer than the other, and she admitted that she didn't.
"There are more geese on that side."
I actually got a chuckle out of my teenager!
Just happened.
Wife, looking at IMDB: On, hey, that actress was born in Abu Dhabi.
Me: Yeah, I knew that. I could tell by her hair cut.
Wife: Her hair cut?
Me: Yeah. She has an Abu Dhabi do.
Wife: [3 seconds of silence] That was NOT funny.
Edit: formatting
It's true
Like all beings, the cow was brought into being by the universe.
The cow was very curious about its existence and asked a lot of questions of the universe.
"what am I?" it asked.
"a cow" the universe relied.
"why am I here?" it asked
"to be a cow" the universe relied, and nudged a pile of hay nearby, trying to distract her from digging deeper into that question.
The universe has a lot on its plate, existentially speaking, and in the past its gotten a bit fed up with some of its creatures.
But after what happened to Adam and Eve, the universe learned to be more patient with inquisitive beings.
The success of cats is largely because they take responsibility for their own curiosity.
But the cow was a bit needier, seeking answers rather than exploration.
The universe hoped the smell from the hay would entice it to act rather than ask.
"What's that?" the cow asked.
"Hay" the universe sighed..."for eating," it added, hoping to keep the cow quiet for a while so the universe could focus on other things.
It worked for a while but as soon as the cow's 4 stomachs were full it started asking questions again.
And that's when the universe created a bull.
"And what is that?" she asked
"That's a bull" the universe replied and wiggled its existential eyebrows suggestively.
The cow headed over to the bull and chatted him up, leaving the universe in peace for a while.
The cow was content in until she started started noticing some changes in her body.
"what's this?" she asked, pointing to her swelling body.
"You're pregnant" it replied.
She got really curious about what that meant and became very hyper asking question after question about pregnancy and birth.
She remained excited throughout the gestation, asking questions to prepare for her for the birth.
But when the day came she relaxed, and stayed focused on the task at hand. And after she gave birth, she was exhausted!
Nevertheless, she pulled herself together, looked at the baby that she brought in to the world and, predictably, asked the universe:
"What's that?"
"A calf" the universe sighed, trying to accept the relentless inquisitiveness of the cow.
"Ohhhh!" she sighed, "that explains it!"
The universe blinked. It couldn't help itself.
"Explains what?" it asked.
"Why I'm so tired!"
The universe paused.
"it's because," the cow said, "I'm decalfinated".
And the universe took the power of speech away from the cow for eternity.
... ...
Edited
... keep reading on reddit ➡Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
I don't really have any children of my own, I just enjoy the format.
I guess you could call me a Faux Paw.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
Dad: I prefer day/month/year. Other formats just confuse me.
Because no matter how much he said it, no one would help him with his “back itches” (packages).
If you found this humorous at all, I would love your insights on formatting to improve it.
Then move to Germany. You'll get some positive reinforcement every day until noon.
(Trying to find a way to format this so it sounds funny but i give up. Even jokes about Germans aren't funny)
“Bison!!!”
~Was shocked to speechlessness when my 5 year old kid said this with a straight face. And this happened when I was trying very hard to teach him the right format of a knock-knock joke. I was stumped for about a minute as he combined a chicken-cross-the-road with a wordplay. Laughed so hard after that - until my wife had to use a pan on my head to stop us both.
Lately there's been a trend where people post other useless information along with the joke like "I came up with it yesterday doing whatever" or "my 6 month old child came up with this and I'm so proud". These are pointless info. People also tend to give entire transcript of the IRL events that lead to the joke like "X was doing _ and Y said _ and I said [pun]" You should turn these words into the joke format.
P.S: Don't redundant "Don't kill me" or "I'll see myself out", it's literally the place for bad jokes
Last night, my daughter and I:
Her: "I'm cold, dad."
Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth."
Her: "Dad, stop it! I'm cold, dad!"
Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth!"
Her: "Daaaad! I'm cold, dad!"
Me: "I think what you want to say is "Dad, I'm cold.'"
Her: "Dad, I'm cold."
Me: "Hi cold, I'm Dad."
Her: "DAD NO."
Edit: Oh god the formatting was horrible, sorry about that.
Dad: probably I’mroglyphics
Son: I’mroglyphics?
Dad: Hieroglyphics I’m dad!
Edit: formatting
To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.
My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:
Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.
LN: What happened?
Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.
LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?
Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.
LN: What was in it?
Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...
LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!
Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.
LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..
LN: mmhmm
Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.
LN: What did he tell you to do?!
Dad: Call a tow truck.
LN: ....what?
Dad: Get it, toe truck?!
LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.
DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.
Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!
We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud
Me: Monday 930-11am
Son: it's Thursday
Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign
Son: I was talking to the sign, not you
Me: signs don't speak English
Son: I know, they speak sign language.
Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.
'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.
These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.
It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.
Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos
Follow us too @thepunpodcast
EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.
( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )
Hey everybody,
The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.
Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.
You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.
That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.
So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.
Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:
Here's what I am not looking for:
If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int
... keep reading on reddit ➡Rope: One beer, please.
Bartender: We don’t serve rope here.
Rope:walks outside and thinks
Rope:gets an idea, gets excited & messes up its hair
Rope:walks back in to the bar
Rope: One beer, please.
Bartender: Aren’t you that rope I just refused to serve. Rope: Nope, I’m a frayed knot.
Edit: Formatting.
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
Since he was my buddy, I was doing this thing for next to nothing. He called me up the other morning and our conversation went as follows
"Hey buddy, do you think you could come by my place and install a couple of heaters?"
"Yeah for sure! Consider it a 'house warming' gift."
I could basically hear his eyes rolling.
EDIT: Phones don't format properly.
I walk into the office after two weeks of vacation, and my boss is reading a book.
Me: "Good morning, brother."
Him: "Hey, hey."
Me: "I missed you man, how you been?"
Him: "I've been right here, you need to aim better. -Flips page- ...But I've been good."
EDIT: Formatting.
Dave: I wish I was Rich!
Genie: Granted
Rich: Nice
(Sorry for formatting, mobile app is the embodiment of a bucket with a hole in it)
Me: Free Willy
Wife: I said "orCHIDS"
Me: Baby Free Willy?
Wife: Shame on you
Me: No, but Shamu would work
*Posted on mobile, please forgive formatting issues
Edit: formatting
Setting: My partner and I are sitting on the couch watching the Leafs v Bruins hockey game
Background: my partner loves puns, LOVES them and makes like 20+ pun jokes a day. I’m horrible with puns and have made like two in my entire life.
Here’s what happened: Hockey game: Boston dude is on the ground, leafs dude is on top of him, looks like there’s going to be a fight
Me: looks like there’s a fight a-brewin’
Partner: BRUIN! A-BRUIN (chuckles manically)
Me: damn, I just fell backwards right into that
Him: of course you didn’t do it on purpose (still chuckling, high fives me)
I was so impressed with my accidental pun My first thought was - I have to share this on reddit! (He’s still chuckling, btw)
Edited for formatting (mobile user, yada yada)
At a rehearsal for my choir, the director made some last minute changes to the standing arrangements. For a couple songs, we wouldn't be standing in the usual Soprano Alto Tenor Bass formation, but we'd we standing in a way that we were surrounded by people of different sections. As you can imagine, shifting around 4 rows of risers is a bit hectic, so I asked my friend where exactly I had to go.
He told me, "As long as you're mixed, it's okay."
A wave of dark intentions washed over my brain.
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "But I'm Chinese".
It took him a full two seconds to register what I just said.
What in the actual fuck is happening to me right now?
Yesterday, while eating dinner - my 3 year old daughter wanted a kiss from her mother.
Daughter: I want a kiss.
My daughter then proceeds to give her mom a kiss.
Me: I want 2 kisses.
Daughter then kisses her mom again.
Me: I want 3 kisses.
Kisses her mom again.
Me: I want 4 kisses.
She grabs her fork and puts it to my mouth, and says fork kiss! And laughs.
I'm so proud of her...hahahhaha
Edit: formatting (on mobile)
Not the usual format, but whenever me and my wife go to the grocery store and buy cheese, I always tell out super loud. "HONEY BE CAREFUL! THAT CHEESE IS EXTRA SHARP!" Always catches her off guard, always gets a decent groan. 😁
Every once in a while, when my dad couldn't explain something, he'd say "Oh, it's because of the geese". This obviously made no fucking sense. So one day I asked him what it meant. This is his response:
"Well, have you ever seen geese fly in a big pack? They fly in a V-formation, right? But one side of the V is always longer than the other. Why is that? Simple, there's more geese on that side. There's no real explanation for it, it's just because of the geese".
Damn it, Dad....
Obligatory formatting from cell phone sorry.
Series of events that unfolded.
Laying in bed with wife she rips the tag off her pillows and says
Wife: I’ve been meaning to do this “bye-bye”
Me: geez Nancy pelosi
Wife : points at pillow it’s pillowsi.
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
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