My friend asked me why his car is making a humming noise.

I told him it’s probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do humming birds hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jam219
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do humming birds only hum?

Because they can't remember the song

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sg425
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was humming Smash Mouth's "All Star" and someone started to yell at me for getting that song stuck in their head.

All I could think to say was "Hey Now!"

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Troub313
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
My toddler is really into The Sound of Music, so he and my husband have been humming "Edelweiss" all day.

Now they are in the kitchen making dinner. My husband pulls a box of Uncle Ben's out of the pantry and then grabs a soup ladle off the counter and is now dancing around singing,

laaadle riiiiiiice ladle rice

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuurAlaOrolo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
🚨︎ report
I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlusAwe55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I happily hummed as I attached the final arm to my dead girlfriends torso...

I made Mary!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever wondered why bees hum?

It's because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Fendeer Guitar
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmum72
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What's red, has a tail, and hums?

An electric radish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doryenas
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know how long it takes to repair a hearing aid?

I sent mine away 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a moose into mediterranean food?

Teach it to hum.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vainomainen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a sheep with a bee?

A Bah-Hum-Bug

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Are Hummingbirds just regular birds...

that can't remember the lyrics?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This is better than a dad joke, I love it.
πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KirikouIsBlack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I caught my stepfather in the act last week.

My stepfather and mother have been doing some remodeling in their first house to get it ready to put on the market, so they are fixing up some things, and I was giving them a hand. As we were working we had the radio playing.

My mother notices a light switch on the wall in the bedroom that isn't working quite right. She says, "Honey I think there's something wrong with the light switch."

To which my stepfather replies, "What's wrong with it?"

My mother says, "It's making a weird noise. I think it's humming. Why is the light switch humming?"

My stepfather says, "That's probably because it doesn't know the words."

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sennius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I can brush my teeth and whistle at the same time

He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Puhlz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's top 5

Granted I'm sure he's collected these from various sources such as Morecambe & Wise, the holy grail of dadjokes.

  1. I try not to mention donkeys around my dad, otherwise he will say "Eeyore! Eeyore! Eeyorelways (he always) says that!"

  2. If a police car ever drives by and I'm with my dad, he'll get me in a headlock and shout "I've got him!"

  3. If I ever start a question with "do you know.." he will always reply with "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it"

  4. If you stand in front of the TV, my dad will tell you "you make a better door than a window."

  5. If there is ever an ambulance going by with its sirens on, my dad will always say "He'll never sell ice-cream going at that speed."

πŸ‘︎ 409
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jontster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
🚨︎ report
An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years.

An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years. He'd had many bees he gave names to, like Buzz or Stripe or Sting. He got a kick out of naming them and he would spend hours with them crawling on his hands, looking at them, holding them gently and humming little songs.

One year, the hive had a new queen, and she was the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen. He usually gave them clever names like Honey, but this one was just too gorgeous for that. He named her Beauty, and he would hum to her everyday as the sun went down.

One day, during a particularly beautiful sunset, the old man was watching his queen as she peddled around in the palm of his hand, singing to her gently, when a gust of wind suddenly blew some debris toward his face. Without thinking, he reacted, moving his hands fast toward his face, and smashed the queen right into his own eye. And so I guess what they say is true, Beauty really is in the eye of the bee holder.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL Houseflies buzz in the key of F

It's true! Unless you swat them. Then they're flat.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P-dubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Rap these days are called Mumble Rap. Kid Cudi's rap is called...

Hum-ble Rap.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rupanath97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, β€œDo you have any idea why my car is humming?”

He replied, β€œProbably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do humming birds hum?

Because they forgot the words

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asshat_idgit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does a microwave hum?

Because it doesn't know the words

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

They don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because the don't know the words!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessCuteButt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they forgot the words!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skiftonoid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

They don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever wondered why bees hum?

It's because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever wondered why bees hum?

It's because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meanderingmacaque
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

because they don't know the words

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPeanutt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

They forgot the lyrics!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALKRA-47
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zcrale
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do bees hum?

They don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speckz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you know why hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/booksforlunch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
🚨︎ report
bees

why do bees hum??

because they don't know the words

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.