Took me a while
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.

It’s a military coo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Ever since I lost my toes in a climbing accident, my best friend has been acting hostile towards me...

I guess he is lack-toes intolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kennyjiang
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Looking for a Math Tutor?

Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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The Bread Makers met in secret to plan their hostile takeover.

It was gluteny!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogGentlemen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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Hostile Architecture tutandgroan.com/hostile-a…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tutandgroan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
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The number 8 was incredibly hostile at the Numbers Dress Up party

He didn’t want to benign.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idrees7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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"Doctor I have a patient on the line that claims he's invisible"

"Tell him I can't see him right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."

"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."

"...why?"

"Just for kicks!"

All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/downhillcarver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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Bum me up!

Years ago I thought my β€œcommunicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Subreddit Changes

Recently, we had a hostile power takeover. A new mod got power hungry and went on a nice little editing spree.

Pics of carnage: Here

He/she has been banned from the subreddit, and submissions are back to normal.

I somehow ended up as the lackey here, and I've never been a subreddit mod before, so bear with me. I've put things back to their defaults, so submissions can resume normally.


##Tl;dr guy goes on power trip, he's gone, things back to normal, I have no clue what I'm doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Belly Jons." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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I work in technical support and this one didn't go down well a customer

I introduce myself and collect the customers information then ask what the problem is. He just says "My tablet is completely frozen" so I reply "Well we best defrost it then!".

He was extremely hostile after that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toxic_Badger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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My dad is the epitome of this subreddit, so I want to share one of his ultimate go-to stories:

When I was a young boy, I was playing in my front yard with my brother. A man in a van pulled up and asked us to help him find his puppy. My brother, being older and wiser, ran inside. I, however, fell for the prank and hopped in the van, eager to find the dog. The man became hostile and I quickly realized he was kidnapping me. I had to think fast. I was panicking.

"I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" I shouted loudly.

The man was unhappy, but took us to a gas station so that I could go. He grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes and sternly said "If you're up to anything, I'll kill you! Don't say anything to anybody. You better come right back!"

I went into the bathroom and looked around. A window! I quickly scrambled on top of the toilet and popped the window open. I hauled myself up to the opening and began to pull myself out and to freedom when a hand grabbed my foot! It was the man! He began pulling my leg...

Just like I'm pulling yours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparty_party
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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