The home football team played against a team of tongues.

We got licked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FearTheCheese203
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
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There was a shooting today,

The suspect used a starting pistol.

They say it was race related

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediumfanta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.

Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.

"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"

"Why's that Dad?"

"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrobeOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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A question about hockey jerseys

Does the NHL team Devils always play their home games in new jerseys?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunviking
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Orca joke

What did baby Orca's parents say when she brought home straight A's on her report card? (Smh lol) . . . . . . . . . . . . "Whale done"

Wa wa wah wahhhhhhh

Happy Friday team!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckyclover
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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Daughter gave me a taste of my own jokes tonight.

We are driving home from softball practice i was telling her about christian betancourt, the padres catcher who is going to be used as a pitcher. He will be the first guy in many many years to pitch and catch on the same team.

She looks at me straight faced and asks.....wait so you're saying hes going to pitch and catch at the same time?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/succaneers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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The Dad of my uni's Dodgeball club was on fire this weekend.

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

  1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
  2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
  3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinRidley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Dad dropped this one the morning after the South Carolina-Clemson game last sunday.

Dad: You hear it took the Clemson team 8 hours to get home last night?

Me: Why? was traffic that bad?

Dad: They had to go real slow since they didnt want another turnover.

(For those that didnt see that game, Clemson had 6-7 turnovers)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiKappaFratta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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