My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication.

It’s for Hispanic attacks.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTomatoHead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever noticed?

Have you ever noticed that you never see the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost together at the same time? Oh, sure, everybody talks like they aren't the same person, but I wonder...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ribdunge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather felt the need to explain us who exactly "Jack Schitt" is and how much we REALLY don't know him.

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
My mom's husband as we leave for dinner

He just learned that his 12-year-old pair of underwear was thrown away.

Me: Why would you keep underwear that long, that's kinda gross. Him: I'm not a religious person, I have to get holiness somehow. MRW: -_______________-

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphageddon
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.