True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
Digging holes is not fun, but making them even bigger is even worse.
What goes in one hole, and out three others?
You, putting on a t-shirt.
Digging himself a deeper hole
I drew a picture of a black hole. It sucked.
Someone dug a plethora of d’earth. Now I’ve got a hole lot of nothing.
An old friend once told me he hopes I fall into a deep hole filled with water. .
But I know he means well.
After being holed up in the house due to Covid, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
I see you've dug 3 holes looking for water
what book has the most holes?
the bible. it’s the holiest book.
I got arrested at NASA.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
I noticed my shirt had a couple of holes in it when I was getting dressed this morning.
I thought that was pretty cool, 'cuz it gave me somewhere to put my arms.
Drilling holes is boring.
All of my socks have holes in them!
How do you think I get my feet in them?
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
A nice rabbit hole to go into.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well
A hole was discovered in the fence around the nudist camp.
Authorities are looking into it.
I fell down a really deep dark hole today.
I couldn't see that well.
My wife regularly confuses the words Burro, and Burrow.
She doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says “they are knot holes”.
Miss4 says “if they are not holes, what are they?”
Moscow is the capital of black holes...
...because everything is Rushin' to them.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
Say "Happy Hole-y Days" instead of "Happy Groundhog day"
So that you include other later winter hole-based celebrations.
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
What did the pin hole camera say when the SLR camera asked about it's aperature and exposure time when taking a picture?
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
Wife: "My Gynecologist says I can't have sex for 2 weeks."
Husband: "What did the Dentist say?"
I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...
DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.
This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...
He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.
I always bring an extra pair of underwear when I go golfing
Just incase I get a hole in one.
Why did the golfer have two pairs of pants?
Just in case he made a hole in one
I think Black Holes are the most successful kleptomaniacs around...
Nothing they grab is ever returned.
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
What do you call a situation when you don't feel like digging holes anymore?
What do you call a guy who lives in a hole ?
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
Why did the golfer wear two pants?
In case they got a hole in one.
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