Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
'Hey, what are you chewing, Dora?'
"Hey dad, I'm trans"
"I have no son"
"Thanks for supporting me"
I'm sure this has been done but it got a chuckle out of me
Edit wow, I wasn't expecting an award. Thank you kind stranger!
Hey, aren’t you a Pediatrician?
Why do they call it “Delivery” and not “Take-out”?
Dude 1: Hey bro Dude 2: Yeah bro? Dude 1: Can you hand me that pamphlet?
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
hey, do you smoke pot?
because weed be cute together
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 2 : takes litmus paper and dips it into the glass
Chemist 1 : You don’t trust me?
Chemist 2 : It was just a lye detector test.
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
Hey dad did you get a haircut?
No son I got them all cut!
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you everyday.
Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
"Hey, look at that flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"
Hey dad's, what's your ringtone?
Mine's brown, like everybody else's.
At a barbeque: Hey, who wants a burger?
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
hey did you hear about the new shovel?
you: no
me: what, it's groundbreaking!
"Hey Dad, Go to Sleep!"
No son, I'm resisting-a-rest.
Dad, hey can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
Hey MC Snow, your wife’s package has been delivered.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
Don't worry, he's awake now.
My son, apparently an 7yo dad says to me... " Hey dad, what's the alien say to the cat?"
"Take me to your litter"
He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.
Hey, did you hear about the 2 blind Cyclopos?
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
Me: Hey, Dad, is that a man standing next to an igloo over there?
Dad: It's just an Aleutian.
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
Hey, deer balls just lowered in price.
Now they’re under a buck.
"Hey Dad, what's the capital of Australia?"
Hey dad, can we stop at the casino at the next exit?
Dad: Sure, why?
Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"
"Not sure, let me check my logs."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
