Heavy Lift Puns

He can lift croutons

So, my grandfather passed away in November and my brothers and I were recalling old stories and this one came up.

He just had surgery on his back and after surgery he had this conversation

Doctor: So, you won't be able to do any heavy lifting for about a week

My grandfather looks at him with a look of concern on his face and says: But doc, how am I supposed to go to the bathroom?

I took my Rottweiler to the vet because it’s cross eyed, he lifted it up to look at it then said:

“I’m going to have to put this dog down.”

“What!? Why!” I exclaimed. “Because it’s cross eyed?”

“No, because it’s heavy”. He replied.

They do all the heavy lifting.

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said “Let’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said “Id rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

After seeing Taken:

"Taken? More like this movie has taken all my money!"

After seeing Final destination 5:

"Final Destination? More like, My Final destination is out of the movie theater!"

"Wanna know what my favorite part of the movie was? The credits!"

"The back of my eyelids were more entertaining than that movie."

After telling him about a Slayer concert:

"Slayer? More like, this band is gonna slay all my money!"

After telling him my favorite musical genre is heavy metal:

"Well, i hate heavy metal. I can never lift it!"

These are just a few

Every once in a while, my dad will lift his laptop, make a grunting sound and say, "This computer has become too heavy, can you delete some files."

My friends and i were moving a heavy dresser upstairs. We would say "One, two, three, LIFT!". He watched from the bottom of the stairs and shouted, "Try countin to two now! Youll get there in half the time!"

He was telling me to do some heavy lifting for the summer. He said, "It'll put some lead in your pencil" I said, "If only I had someone to write to"