Half Bathroom Puns

So after half an hour of trying to shave with an old razor, I walk out of the bathroom and say to my boyfriend "Honey, remind me to get a new razor, this one's blunt." and he replies "Well, I don't think one that beats around the bush would be much use either."

Groans ensued.

So I'm taking a shower and she "accidentally" busted ass in the bathroom. Hot shower + smelly fart = not a good time. Fast forward to right before bed time and I make fun of her for what she did. She says "youre the one that got me a milkshake. You know what happens when I have dairy."

Me: Yes, clearly it comes out of your derriere.. I laughed and she said if she wasn't half asleep she would have laughed harder.

Old Granny went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book.

I got a bloody nose during a soccer match yesterday, and upon coming back from the bathroom my friend asks me if I'm ok.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I say.

His dad jumps in and says, "Actually... he's half left, too!"