A cat got into the guiness world record book

Meowvalous

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoesMemories
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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I took my young son for a beer today for the first time.

I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.

By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 59
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Why is it better to get beer in Ireland than in Scotland?

Because in Ireland they Dublin size!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CrazyJT007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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A duck walks into a bar after a long day of work on a building site

He hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness , the bartender says "WOW! A talking duck" he is very surprised but gets him his sandwich and pint anyway

The next night the duck comes in and hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness, the bartender says "WOW! I wasn't dreaming about the talking duck, he came back again" and gets him his sandwich and pint

Once again the duck comes back again the next night and orders his club sandwich and pint of Guinness, the bartender is fairly normalised to the duck now and gets him his sandwich straight away

Over the next week the duck comes in everyday and gets his regular order of a pint of guiness and he and the bartender become good friends, one day the bartender saw an advert for a circus on his way to work. When the duck comes in and orders his club sandwich and pint of guiness the bartender tells him about how he would do great in the circus. The duck doesn't understand and asks the bartender "what would they want with me, I'm only a brick layer"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alexoherlihy25
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I used to have an origami business

but it folded.

(Heard from Paddy McGuiness)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheCaringAsshole
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2015
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