Guillotined Puns

Beheading there shortly.

I’ll beheading there shortly

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!

He couldn't face death head on

It had cutting edge technology

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I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them

He seemed so happy to be working with cutting head technology.

No matter how much they tried, the guillotine wouldn't work. When the chief executioner examined the situation it was clear why, she had already been "bee-headed"

In-fact, heads were rolling.

Its a cut-throat business

But wait, I’m getting a head of myself.

He really lost his mind.

It was a pain in the neck.

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So 3 explorers were captured by the king of a pacific island. One explorer was from Paris, one was from London, and one was from New York. The island king told them that they were all going to be killed, and that their skins would be used to make canoes. The king gave them a choice as to how they would die.

The explorer from Paris chose to be killed by a guillotine, and they cut off his head.

The explorer from London chose to be killed by a gun, and they shot him in the head.

The explorer from New York chose to be killed by a fork. The island kind was confused. He didn't know what to do with the fork, so he gave it to the explorer from New York. The guy immediately starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. There is blood everywhere and it's a horrific scene. The dismayed island king asks the explorer from New York what the hell he's doing, and the New Yorker replies...

FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD-DAMN CANOE.

"The guillotine truly was cutting-edge technology at the time."

A dad within earshot said he appreciated my sharp wit.

I asked my dad if he had ever seen the 70s movie "How To Get Ahead In Advertising". He said "No, but I already know how." So I asked why and he said "A guillotine."

So my boss and I are painting a large room and we tend to talk aimlessly about random stuff when working.

We start talking about what the best way to die would be and the topic comes up about beheading and the different methods throughout the ages.

Me: "Guillotine is kinda cool because your head gets sheared off and your still alive and they hold your head toward the cheering crowds and apparently you can still see them, and even move your eyes.

Him: what about by axe?

me: Beheading by Axe would be painful because not only do you not die right away, but sometimes it takes multiple swings to take your head off. It even gets stuck sometimes.

Him: So the Executioner would be having to pry the Axe back and forth like its stuck in a log?

Me: yeah.

Him: What a pain in the neck.

I heartily bellowed in laughter , guffawed even, and gave him props for it.

I'll beheading there shortly.

I'll beheading there shortly.

I'll be heading there shortly