This is where getting high everyday will land you.
πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?

Because they get stereo instead!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Siigari
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A good way of stopping yours kids from getting high?

ground them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scorpino888
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high every day will land you
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Never getting of his High Horse
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWeirdTaco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
This is getting silly, but help me remember the name of the movie with Ellen Page where she got pregnant in high school...

...it had a certain Juno se qua

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frinxo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Where were you while we were getting high?

So I was on the red-eye flying overseas to meet my buddies for an epic roadtrip adventure. I got me a first class ticket because YOLO and I always wanted to try those convertible seat/beds.

So in the morning the flight attendants serve breakfast, which includes this tasty soup with poached egg in it. They offered drinks and they had champagne so I thought why the hell not.

There were delays and when we finally landed and I got to our meet up place, my mates were already there and gotten the bong out.

They said, "Where were you while we were getting high?"

"I was having..." and I turned to them, took my sunglasses off, and said, "champagne, soup and ova in the sky."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaudette
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Stoners are lighter, cause only balloons get high

Each time you light with a lighter, the lighter gets lighter untill the light so light that it will not light

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dis907kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do ants take to get high?

Antacid

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What drug do French people use to get high?

Oui’d

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A1if
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?

It was his ex-tradition

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Elton John doesn’t always get high as a kite...

But when he does it’s zero hour 9 am

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFister720
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do frogs get high on?

Croak-aine.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/195236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do fish get high on?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man bet another that a group of hippies couldn't get the meat down from a really high shelf without a ladder.

The cannibal replied "I can't, the steaks are too high"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuke_k9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though

They got it right off the bat

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m3m3sRc00l420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the French smoke to get high?

Oui'd

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyMatty91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do rodents go to get high?

Hamsterdam.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremyJaLa
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
On which type of bus does everybody get high?

An Airbus.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuesada
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A farmer noticed some cows smoking weed and playing cards

The steaks were getting pretty high

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You want some?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bondmemebond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking for an easier way to get chopped spaghetti off the floor. (Under the high chair)

Because my current solution is not cutting it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matcorn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a duck get high on?

Quack

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdub_7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When short people smoke weed do they get high or medium?

Asking for a mate

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faix_pass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad confiscated my weed so I stole his plane ticket.

I guess neither of us will be getting high.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do birds get high on?

Quack Cocaine

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/miss_permafrost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Pirates get high on?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What drugs do French people use to get high?

Oui’d

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A1if
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rnielsen776
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oscidor303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you get high in a patch of tall grass?

A Field Trip

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a fish get high? Seaweed
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tag-on-Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a duck use to get high?

Quack Cocaine

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tj260000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatheraabed
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do fish smoke to get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/miggy420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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