That concludes our tour of the toilets
When I greeted him he replied "Everything come out all right?"
If I hadn't just gone, I would've pissed myself.
He was a real tan gent.
But for whatever reason, it was much more difficult to deter gents.
An intellidjent guitarist!
Djent is pronounced like "gent" btw
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, he hears a voice and realises it's coming from the bowl of peanuts on the bar "Looking very smart tonight sir and that cologne is hitting all the right notes. Oh yes!"
Somewhat taken aback, but also feeling confident he goes to the Gents to buy some condoms. Just as he's about to put the coins in a voice comes out of the machine "Don't waste your money mate! You haven't got a chance with the ladies tonight."
Astonished at this he relays all this to the barmaid. "Ah, thats easy to explain, the nuts are Complimentary and the condom machine is Out Of Order.
Because he would be defeated by a gent pee.
Sorry, I'm going off on a tan gent.
"Pun-patrol! You s-pun around on your chair way beyond government regulations!"
"I can't help it! I'm pun-sexual!"
"Sir, o-pun the door or we will have to use force!"
"Stay back! I have a hostage! I don't care if my crimes will ever get ex-pun-ged!"
"Lay down your wea-pun! Face your pun-ishment!"
"Sir, I just arrived and can confirm, he has a Pun-da!"
"Thank god for your pun-ctuality! This changes everything! Now go and pun-ch down the door!"
crashing noises
"Sir! We have fumes! God, what is this pun-gent smell??"
"Ahaha, you ran into my trap! Now die, Pun-k!"
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"
silence
"No time for com-pun-ction. Come, S-pun-ky, we need to leave. Let's head for Pun-ama."
EDIT: formatting.
...would he have a pun-gent odor?
He is pun gent.
But it's a lot more difficult to deter gents.
When he came back, he was a tan gent
A tan gent.
Now that's what I call Artificial in-telly gents.
This seriously just happened to my sister. Background: I live in CT, and we just got a big snowstorm.
Dad: We got more snow than Buffalo this year. Sister: Wow... Really? Dad: Yep. So far we got about 18 inches of snow and not a single buffalo.
My dad, ladies and gents.
I'm making hash browns and she says "we need to get a griddle".
My response, "yeah, maybe we can get a Hansell to go with it".
I may be sleeping on the couch tonight gents. Worth it.
But everyone around me says I give off a real pun gent smell
Sorry for going off on a tan gent.
The Deter Gent.
;D
this isn't strictly a dad joke, but our local NPR affiliate in Philadelphia had a celebration of dad jokes today, and I figured you gents might be interested. They do give credit to reddit for the rise of dadjokes.
Dunlap Disease:
Everytime we pass a fairly overweight person, he says:
Him: "Poor guy, he's got Dunlap's Disease. His belly done lapped over his pants."
Dicky-Do Disease:
Him: "Poor guy, he's got the Dicky-do Disease. His stomach pokes farther out than his dicky do."
My father-in-law, ladies and gents.
I like star wars. My dad knows this. My dad had never been a "dad joke" sort of person. He is an accountant by trade and other than being family we have never been very close. My sister jokes about it even. But he is my dad and I love him.
He has been mellowing in recent years now that both kids are out of the house. Oh yeah, and that whole nearly dying during an emergency surgery thing a few years back.
Anyway, tonight he texts me out of nowhere. And hits me with this: http://imgur.com/Qq6S6PA (transcript below)
"How do you know you have a wookie cookie?"
"... I don't know. How?"
"it's Chewwie"
My dad ladies and gents. Has just joined the dad joke Club.
Older gent in front of me pipes up.
"You're certainly light on your feet!"
He looked so pleased with himself.
One car was being operated by a small Mexican woman and the other was filled with four guys dressed up in white shirts, gray slacks and ties. Two of the guys were holding bibles in their hands so we could only assume that the group of dressed up gents were Mormons.
My dad slowed down and said: "Well, it seems to be that they let jesus take the wheel."
edit: grammar
That concludes our tour of the toilets.
But its harder to deter gents
I hear it's easy to convince ladies
not to eat Tide Pods. But it's harder
to deter gents.
But it's hard to deter gents
But it’s more difficult to deter gents
But it’s harder to deter gents
it’s more difficult to deter...gents
It's more difficult to deter gents though
It's much harder to deter gents.
It’s harder to deter gents
