I ordered some General Tso chicken from my favorite Chinese Restaurant but they were all out of MSG...
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︎ Jan 18 2021
What does a dyslexic war general use for his bad breath?
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What's the difference between Mordor and the Capital?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What did the soldier say to General Sherman when he was asked to do something
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Sturgeon Generalβs Warning
βPlease donβt eat caviarβitβs our children!β
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Why are Northern people generally more rich?
Because there are so many snow banks around
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︎ Dec 28 2020
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Where does a General keep his Armies?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Tag-und Nacht
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︎ Dec 05 2020
do you know why Obi-wan Kenobi is called general kenobi and not specific kenobi?
because the sith only deal in absolutes
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︎ Nov 30 2020
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Puns about the body are generally corny,
But puns about the eye are cornea.
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︎ May 22 2020
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!
I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!
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︎ May 27 2020
General Kitchy-Kitchy just led a military coup!
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.
I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...
Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt.
Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt.
Son: gives me a blank look
Me: It's holy!
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I like parks in general...
...but zoo are a sick park!
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︎ Jun 10 2020
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...
It's like he blew up overnight.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. βHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?β
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isnβt divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke sheβs told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see
When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor
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︎ Mar 20 2020
Did you hear about the army general who retreated from an army wearing sandals?
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︎ May 22 2020
What did the general say to their troops?
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︎ Mar 05 2020
How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?
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︎ May 07 2020
Went to the gym and saw some guy working out dressed as General Grievous
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︎ Apr 17 2020
I donβt like to make sweeping generalizations
Theyβre almost never true.
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?
It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.
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︎ Mar 23 2020
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Meditate on it
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︎ Mar 12 2020
What did the General who lost both his arms, use to fight his wars?
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︎ Apr 04 2020
Have you guys tried General Tso Tso's chicken?
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︎ Mar 10 2020
What did the general have up his sleeves
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Where does the General keep his armies?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Where does the general keep his armies?
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︎ Sep 26 2020
Where did the General put this Armies?
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Where do Generals keep their armies?
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Where does a General put his armies?
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Where does the General keep his Armies?
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Where does a general keep his armies?
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Where does the general keep his armies?
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Where does the General keep his armies?
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︎ Mar 26 2020
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