A root of squares.
They followed the guidance religiously.
It was slimy pickings for dinner that evening.
They have been Austriacized..
Crowd funding
They’re supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.
But it wasn't for altruism of course, they all stood to make an enormous prophet.
A meat and eat!
I found the Sir conference.
He hopes to make a bundle!
At the Sir-conference
I had never met herbivore
A Vegetableup
A Soviet Reunion
A T-Rexpo
She’d usually arrive about a half hour after.
It really turned into a huge Snoo's fest.
A leper-con.
Son: Hey, what's up? Dad: How many times do I have to tell you not to talk to your food?
Didn't see a dead body but I did witness a Murder...
After all, it's the most wonderful thyme of the year.
My dad always tells people that he has one brother but twice as much sisters while he only has two siblings.
His only sister is a nun.
Sister-in-law said: We've been fishing too much. The fishing line's all frayed.
Dad said: Imagine how the fish feel! Pause All 'fraid.
I could have made a Commander Shepard deck.
"So I'll attack with these two guys."
"Okay. I'll take five."
"That's fine, but when you come back we need to figure out how much damage this is."
My mother: Does my jacket smell like mothballs to you?
Uncle: I don't know, have you ever smelled mothballs?
Mother: yes they're terrible!
Uncle: really? how did you get them to spread their legs?
Nearly choked on my funeral potatoes.
So, I'm the coach of my daughter's soccer team. After a tournament, we had to do our share of the clean up and they told us to gather all of the cones set up on the fields. I turned to few girls on the team and said:
"I guess you could say that we're CONEsolidating."
... I wonder why my daughter doesn't want me to coach next year.
My family was sitting around the table eating lunch and talking about how it's almost impossible to have true vacation time anymore. My grandma chucks in, "Your time is valuable." My dad immediately replies:
"Thyme is actually pretty inexpensive. Saffron, on the other hand, is quite valuable."
I love my dad.
It's my birthday and my whole family is here, my dad asked what a certain food was and my mum said
"this is spelt"
And my dad just went "how's that spelt then?!"
A wave of groans from around the table.
"A friend of mine had her twins in Greece"
"I've heard of a water birth, but never a grease birth"
We were at a family gathering and we were opening presents for a birthday, and my cousin grabs the stool nearest to him to sit on. It's a one of those old cow-milking stools, and then this conversation goes down:
Cousin: why does this stool only have three legs? Uncle (cousin's dad): because the cow's got the udder!
Needless to say he was very proud of himself and there was a collective groan from everyone in the room.
Back home yesterday preparing the supper.
Dad pumps a fake shotgun, pulls a fake trigger whilst farting. But the fart was more of a quiet "pfft" so he says, "oh, had the silencer on."
... when the ladder fell away. I wrapped my arms around the trunk and slid all the way to the ground. The skin on my inside upper arms was grated off. When I told my dad, he was very unsympathetic. He said: "You know what falls out of pawpaw trees, don't you?"
Dinner time and artichokes are on the table.... Me: what are these things Dad: artichokes Me:why are they called artichokes? Dad:well they may choke ardy but they ain't choke me!
....my grandfather was telling a story about how my sister used to sit on his right knee and my cousin would sit on his left knee. I then curiously asked "grandpa, where did I sit?" and he replied "Well of course adberq, you sat on my wee knee.".
