G Factor Puns

Them: “You’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?” Me: “It’s on the house”

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖

How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say that’s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the student’s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldn’t see my logic.

What’s with all this forced two factor authentication?

I think they’ve gone TWO FAH.

..Comes greater difficulty in factorizing the polynomial.

EGGs Factor.

He factor.

I suppose it was pretty obvious. 7 always was an odd number. Even 10 wasn’t shocked. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3’s house.

I heard Gandhi often went shoeless, so his feet were very tough. He was a vegetarian, so he had a thin build. Lastly, he fasted often, which has a tendency to cause bad breath.

All of those factors combined made him a super calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Because Max Factor

Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.

Me: you're the devil.

We're on vacation, and due to work and other factors we are all heading home at different times on different flights. My mom says to my dad:

"Can we discuss how we're getting shit home?"

"Well it'll be way easier if you go to the bathroom and just leave it here"

EDIT: a few minutes later, my Mom needed help fitting something into one of our bags. She asked my dad for a hand. He clapped.

I walk out to the car on the way to work, forgot my keys, so I run back inside. Mom looks up and asks what I forgot. I said, 'keys!' As I hurry past her in the kitchen. Without skipping a beat she replies " well you know those are a KEY factor in getting to work?"

I only got to see my grandpa on my mom's side about once a year usually growing up, but there was always one common factor of each visit.

At some point during the catching up conversations, Pa (what we called him) would get a real dejected look on his face. Then he'd face my mom:

"Oh Vicky... guess who died?"-Pa

"Oh no... Who?"-Mom

"Elvis." -Pa

He'd then giggle, finger fun, and slap his thigh. Every. Single. Year.

I have a feeling he used that one for the better part of 40 years.