Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me reddit.com/gallery/vzbz1y
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chappy615
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2022
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I had a frightening experience last night. I was in the bathtub relaxing…

And I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderFanDan
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2022
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My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.

I wasn't surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentspec94
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2022
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Why do ghosts hate rain?

It dampens their spirits.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2023
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Crisis looming in Germany and everyone is stocking up on sausage and cheese.

Predictions are for a Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2023
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What do you call a frightened psychiatrist?

A Freud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/osbomh48
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2022
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What’s the worst part of an apple addiction?

You can't see a doctor about it.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ES_FTrader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2022
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My buddy, Cordon Bleu, was frightened of everything during Halloween.

Because he's chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glorbog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2021
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Did you know George Michael wore a toupee

Wig Wham!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChalkHorseNIck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2022
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Did you hear about the spooky ghost who went to jail for frightening minors?

It's alright tho, he got a very light sentence!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiredmerc34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2021
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery,

"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

Found in the comment section of a youtube video about Beethoven, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-fFHeTX70Q

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yankee_doodle_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2022
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What kind of music frightens balloons?

Pop music.

πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Puffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I'm starting to become addicted to writing these cheesy jokes.

I just hope I never lose my whey.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dryfrooot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2022
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I caught a glimpse of the silhouette of a man creeping around the alleyway.

He was a shady looking fellow

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikesidehugs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2022
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Why did the two monsters take turns to frighten the little kid?

Because sharing is scaring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m frightened of elevators

I’m taking steps to avoid them now

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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What’s the scariest weather?

A rain of terror

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Kim Kardashian says that bees frighten her.

I bet the rest of the alphabet does too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A German guy went on a vacation to Miami to escape the German bitterly cold atmosphere. On his first day of the trip, he headed to the beach and had some mai tais.

Unfortunately, he has a low alcohol tolerance, so it did not take him long to be drunk.

He felt a strong urge to pee, and in his drunken state, decided to answer nature's call right on the sand.

Then, out of nowhere comes a lady, also a tourist. She was frightened and shrieked: "Gross!"

"Danke."

πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Savior-Brian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2022
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Made this one up when I was 12 πŸ’€

What direction do frightened cows run?

Coward.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rainandhail_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2022
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Why is the SCP Foundation so terrible and frightening?

Because they have a lot of canons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I had a frightening math joke where the answer comes out to 4.

But I'm 2^2 to even say it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What happens when you try to frighten an infertile man?

Nothing. He can't have an erection.

I mean any reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiewseedan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Why is hot cocoa so frightened?

Its always getting mugged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Stock photo puns are frighteningly fun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottshott
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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I got my car battery tested today, they told me it wasn’t in good health

I said β€œoh no, is it terminal?”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delightfullyround
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pharaoh who was very frightened?

He wanted his mummy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a frightened grammar nazi?

There there, they're there

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosvicious
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter has been frightened lately, because I've been waking up nightly, screaming from a bad dream. (It's a dream in which I'm forced to eat Indian food for every meal...)

I told her it's just a recurrying nightmare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourbrotherrex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I once went to an open air 'Queen' concert...

The concert was stopped half way through due thunderbolts and lightening......

Very Very frightening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2022
🚨︎ report
What two planes did the Germans fear most in WW2?

Thunderbolt and Lightning. Very, very frightening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time, in the Wild West…

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing:

"If you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can."

Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale.

Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it. Until, one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming! Head for the hills!" The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills. Except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn't believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.

He didn't wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall, he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head (dropping the critter to its knees) and bellowed, "Wait here til I get back!"

The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollering, "You pussycats stay here til I'm done!" The cats fearfully sat down.

Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. With two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eye, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred, thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy klooked down over the bar and roared, "What the hell do you think you're looking at!?"

Fred managed to say, "N..n..n..nothing, mister. Do you want another

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2022
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Soo scared today
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
πŸ‘︎ 24k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StewPaddasso
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name...

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Day Job

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.

I wasn't surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManxLynx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away...

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Known-Cod-1307
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2022
🚨︎ report
I once went to an open air Queen concert.

The performance was stopped half way through due to thunderbolts and lightning....

Very, very frightening....

πŸ‘︎ 426
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 367
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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