Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 64
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/red_snake0329
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 30 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 11 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Iโ€™m really looking forward to being an old man

I have to. I canโ€™t look back on it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/superdad0206
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.

But my Brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.

I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shaggie42069
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Most Americans are looking forward to December 2020 because Trump should be gone Biden.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/golubeerji
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A โ€˜divineโ€™ healer in his โ€˜miracleโ€™ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ball5deeper
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why couldnโ€™t the Russian drive forward?

His car was Putin reverse.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RSGaming0416
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/arrenlex
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you know chickens can only walk forward?

Yeah, they can't go bock.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ConstableBrew
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm writing a book about falling down stairs...

It's a step by step guide.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 55
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FLASHsixx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?

Because if they rolled forward, theyโ€™d be in the boat

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kat_GotYourTongue
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 14 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Looking forward to the Fall, when I can make serious money gathering leaves..

..Raked it in last year.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I donโ€™t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.

Thatโ€™s how I roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/blueholeload
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.

I have to know what his final answer was.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Sir_E_L_Bawks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...

... I love it when the clocks go forward!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 50
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Tinnber
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm 5'11ยฝ, but tell everyone I'm 6'0"

On my first day of being an army recruit, we were all lined up and the instructor commanded that those 6 feet and over step forward. Even though I was shy of ยฝinch, I stepped forward, along with 15 others.

. After I looked around me, I realized I was noticeably the tallest.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dwele_music
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 29 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by Renรฉ Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bearfeedmitch
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why there are jokes on chuck Norris but....

This one is oldie but goodie.

When I was a child I asked my father 'why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris but none about Clint Eastwood?' He leant forward look me straight in the eyes and said 'because Clint Eastwood is no joke'.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/casul_noob
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Depending on your golf handicap you can move your tee forwards or backwards

Move it too far forward and it becomes a birdie tee.

Too far back and it becomes a bogey tee

Get it just right?

Now that's a party.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SorryForTheRainDelay
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wildman1286
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My sister always gets mad whenever I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

Iโ€™m sorry but thatโ€™s how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/darraghq16
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where thereโ€™s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. Thereโ€™s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldnโ€™t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesnโ€™t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy heโ€™s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, โ€œThank you.โ€

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

โ€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 989
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/silashoulder
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I squat down and wrap my arms around my knees and just let myself start to lean forward.

Because that's how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dymbrulee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Looking forward to it
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 84
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/puntasticuser
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...

...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"

(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SplashbackDeuce
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 23 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm not looking forward to my wife having the baby

I hate meeting new people

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/invertedparadoxxx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FatMetalJesus
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Don't you think Gonorrhoea would be a great name for Diarrhea medicine?

No shit!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 106
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HydrosFear
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Found in r/WellThatSucks: "xWas looking forward to having some nice bread from a local bakery :(" posted by u/TheWrigglerr
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FalconLord92
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I bought this really good DVD about foreplay

I just had to fast forward the boring bit at the beginning.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jo3p-
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What's something you looked forward to as a kid but now don't like?

Blizzard.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/danmanx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Iโ€™m looking forward to the new Hellโ€™s Kitchen pasta episode

A real Al denteโ€™s inferno

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/badjayplaness
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
People with glasses are really looking forward to next year...

It's the first time they will see 20/20.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ItsJustPeter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
There are so many things that I am looking forward to in the new year...

You could say that my vision is 2020.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ResplendentCerulean
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Im really looking forward to the new Hacking Twist in Call of Duty!

They call it Modem Warfare!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/meistereder420
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Yankee9Niner
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/uhavethebiggay
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.

That's just how I roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/runew0lf
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes i tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

Thats just how i roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 116
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shamudawhale51
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

Thatโ€™s how I roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lvrcerosis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,

Thatโ€™s just how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 294
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Jackdaking746
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

Thatโ€™s just how I roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 97
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Master-Salamander
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 434
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/orduk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water

If they fall forwards they will fall into the boat

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/I_dont_know55
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Sometime I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

But that's just how I roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.