Assumptive Puns

Thanks, I sharpened it.

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

I think we all have a rough idea of why we’re here.

It makes an ass out of u and mptions

The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, “They had eggs.”

edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me

Because they're miss taken.

F'raternity

I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

I said, "Yes. Steve."

She said, "Awww! That's a lovely name!"

"Thanks." I said. "But what do you think we should call the baby?"

There's always too many holes in the plot.

Of course I replied with "hi pregnant, I'm Dad"

First official dad joke...

So my grand father always used to tell me you know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me…I miss him.