I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
My girlfriend is blamimg me for ruining her birthday...
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
One of my best friends made this for me for my birthday. I love it
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
I received all kinds of spices for my birthday, but I don't cook. I think...
My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday
That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
My 8 year old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday...
I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.
I got you a refrigerator for your birthday.
I can’t wait to see your face light up when you open it.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a really cool Rolex watch for my birthday!
I don’t think they understood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
How does a jedi know what he is getting for his birthday?
Struggling what to buy someone for their birthday?
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
My mum bought me a cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
Bought my wife a castle shaped abacus for her birthday...
It’s the fort that counts
Bought my wife a rocket for her birthday...
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
For his birthday, a boy wants a pet spider.
His dad takes him to an exotic pet store, where they see a big, hairy spider. The father asks how much it costs. “That’s fifty dollars,” the clerk replies.
“Fifty bucks!” the dad exclaims. “Forget that, I’ll just find a cheap one off the web.”
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
What did the potato get for their birthday?
All I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with this.
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of ringing.
He is in for a rude awakening.
Birthdays are good for your health,
The more you have,the longer you live.
For my wife's birthday I bought her a beautiful fridge freezer....
I know it isn't much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
On this day last year me wife got me a stationary bike for my birthday.
Well it’s a regular bike but it hasn’t moved in 364 days.
What did the postman get his wife for her birthday?
What-a-rack! Made these for my boyfriend's birthday. Hope you guys like them.
I’m mad at my wife because I bought a stun gun for her birthday and she tested it out on me. Twice.
What a revolting response to a gift. I was stunned.
I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.
I need someone to console me.
I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
A big zero birthday for my wife this year. I made her this card.
I wanted to get a poker game together for my birthday,
But with COVID I don’t think it’s in the cards.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.
It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.
My son wanted a horse for his birthday
I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday and we stood there looking at the trees for about 30 minutes
Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.
My wife’s 32 today but I’m only allowed to celebrate my wife’s birthday for half a minute
After all it is her thirty second birthday
My friend bought me a telekinetic abacus for my birthday.
It wasn't my favorite present, but it's the thought that counts.
I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called “69 Mating Positions”.
Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m finding it hard to deal with this.
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
My mom bought me a cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
I bought my Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday..
.. just so glad She's now finally Independent.
For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I have been hinting to my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she smoothly changes the topic.
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