Whenever someone leaves the room and says, "I'll be back"
Victim: I'll be back.
Me: I'll be front! And then we can be a whole person!
Alternatively: If the victime says, "I'll be right back" I respond with "I'll be left back! Then together we can be a fullback!" It gives the added football pun.
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
David Beckham’s son arrived for football training.
He asked the coach, “What number shirt am I?”
The coach said “Wear four out there, Romeo”.
Why can’t any T-Rex catch a football?
My octopus got loose in a football field.
It took ten tackles to catch him.
(not sure if this has been said before, but I just thought of it)
What did the footballer's girlfriend think when she saw him standing between some goal posts?
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
Results are in from the Musketeers Football League:
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-4
My wife has just left me because of my obsession with football...
Shame really, we've only been married for 2 seasons.
The leper football game was cancelled.
Turns out there was a face off in the corner.
Who goes on adventures with Lara Croft but is also pretty good at American Football?
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
Why are football stadiums so cool?
Because every seat has a fan in it.
I never played football but people used to call me Messi.
Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...
I think his plans are Nerfarious.
Why don't football players get hot?
Saying Tom Brady is the greatest football player in history isn’t just a hyperbole...
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
My friends won't let me play football with them after I suffered a charley-horse
They said I cramp their style
What do you call a stuffed toy pig when throw like a football?
What will you call a football club of Chickens?
What’s a football fan’s favorite food for the big game?
A football player steals houses...
He took all of Patrick's Mahomes.
Why was Cinderella terrible at football?
Because she kept running away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin!
Well, this one hit the bar
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
Why do soccer referees never fold in poker?
Because they always call the flop.
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer
They’re practicing for the cup
What's a footballer's favourite brand?
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
Some of my classmates after the football match between Barcelona and Bayern Munich
Why is it always so drafty in football stadiums?
Because of all the fans.
Hm. This might be funnier after social distancing measures are safely eased.
Two flies playing football on saucer. One says to the other.....
I am playing in the cup tommorow.
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