Food Writing Puns

They made olive oil spread.

I'll call it "Jack and the beans talk"

...my 5 year old thought it was funny, my wife, not so much.

I'll call it "Wonton Distraction."

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!

My family/town has socially alienated me for my sexuality. This has lead to quite a couple of problems, as you could imagine.

I've been behind on my taxes for quite a bit and it was only a matter of time before the government found out. They've been having a field day confiscating all my belongings.

That leaves me on the street.

I make enough money panhandling and doing under the table stuff to get me food every day and even enough to pay for an unlimited data plan, which I'm using to write this.

I need support. I can't continue on like this.

Life's not easy.

Especially if you're a homelessexual like me.

We were getting ready to cook some food for the family gathering we had today, and my mom pulls my dads camouflage apron out of a box. It had some writing on it but it was hard to read because of the color. She says to me, "I can't even see this." In which I reply, "WELL IT IS CAMOFLAGE!"

And that was the groan heard round the world.

Step-Daughter: "I have to write about myself for school things like favorite foods..."

Me: "What is your favorite food?"

Step-Daughter: "Umm... Nachos."

Me: "What? That's Nacho favorite!"

...Silence...

Everyone: "Oh jeeze... ha ha ha"

"Adjective?"

"Abstract."

"Verb ending with -ing?"

"Bring."

"Food, plural?"

"Soup."

(Glares, writes "soups.") "Adverb?"

"Very."

"Noun?"

"Noun."

"Yes, a noun."

"Noun."

"THAT'S NOT A NOUN."

"Yes, it is!"

"Okay, fine ... Part of the body?"

"The."

"Noun?"

"Verb."

"DAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYY"