Why did Popeye write to the Italian food company Bertolli, thanking them for everything they’d done?

They made olive oil spread.

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👤︎ u/Tango91
📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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I'm going to write a book about a guy named Jack who talks to his food

I'll call it "Jack and the beans talk"

...my 5 year old thought it was funny, my wife, not so much.

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👤︎ u/schlagzeug
📅︎ Nov 06 2016
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I want to write a story about a man who wants to be the best Chinese food chef. But he needs to get his life together so he can focus.

I'll call it "Wonton Distraction."

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👤︎ u/adez23
📅︎ Jan 21 2016
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Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!

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📅︎ Jan 10 2020
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Need some help. Life's been difficult.

My family/town has socially alienated me for my sexuality. This has lead to quite a couple of problems, as you could imagine.

I've been behind on my taxes for quite a bit and it was only a matter of time before the government found out. They've been having a field day confiscating all my belongings.

That leaves me on the street.

I make enough money panhandling and doing under the table stuff to get me food every day and even enough to pay for an unlimited data plan, which I'm using to write this.

I need support. I can't continue on like this.

Life's not easy.

Especially if you're a homelessexual like me.

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📅︎ Jan 14 2019
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Halloween Puns

Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
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Got my mom with a classic dad joke today

We were getting ready to cook some food for the family gathering we had today, and my mom pulls my dads camouflage apron out of a box. It had some writing on it but it was hard to read because of the color. She says to me, "I can't even see this." In which I reply, "WELL IT IS CAMOFLAGE!"

And that was the groan heard round the world.

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📅︎ Jun 08 2014
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Finally got a laugh from the step-kids

Step-Daughter: "I have to write about myself for school things like favorite foods..."

Me: "What is your favorite food?"

Step-Daughter: "Umm... Nachos."

Me: "What? That's Nacho favorite!"

...Silence...

Everyone: "Oh jeeze... ha ha ha"

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👤︎ u/mjbehrendt
📅︎ Aug 26 2014
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Why my children won't play Mad Libs with me anymore

"Adjective?"

"Abstract."

"Verb ending with -ing?"

"Bring."

"Food, plural?"

"Soup."

(Glares, writes "soups.") "Adverb?"

"Very."

"Noun?"

"Noun."

"Yes, a noun."

"Noun."

"THAT'S NOT A NOUN."

"Yes, it is!"

"Okay, fine ... Part of the body?"

"The."

"Noun?"

"Verb."

"DAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYY"

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👤︎ u/kevinb9n
📅︎ May 19 2014
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