A schwing and Amish!
But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
It's true. Right there in his last name, "Lay Hee Hoo."
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
Mostly because they’re not dead yet.
They threw him into a river wearing concrete shoes, now they call him Gordon Heavyfoot.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
They call them Jingle Berries.
I never expected to see pair a normal beings when I started studying alien aircraft, you follow, G?
It’s for legal porpoises
The Basque Pro Shop
A1C por favor
Painful, because they can't c.
it’s a coughy filter.
But are experts in Crash Courses
Broken hip hop?
Bob Dillin'
It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.
So I leveled with them.
He thinks it's a polkageist.
Bunch of Joeys over there.
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
It is a transaction, after all.
That would be a punzi scheme.
This sub is off-limits to you according to your own sub.
So the joke's on you.
Feminists: SheSheShe.
People pay more attention when you bring ricin to the conversation.
Credit to u/RollinThundaga.
A person born in 33 was 45 in 78
Me: "Train A is heading east at 90mph-"
Wife: "Shut up"
It's cut and dry.
Rumour has it they'll be great in the cup.
Bee was making a list for her New Year’s Eve party. She asked her friend Grasshopper for help.
“Who should I invite?” “How about those ants that’ve been your next door neighbors for years? You invite them every year.” “I guess so… I find them a bit old-fashioned though.” “I think they’re quaint. Also you should invite the new young ant family down the street.” “Yeah, they seem so nice.”
Bee sent out most of her invites but in her rush forgot her next door neighbors. New Year’s Eve came and the party started at Bee’s house. Grasshopper came early to help Bee out as always, and noticed the unsent invites on the counter. Oh well, too late. The doorbell rang and Grasshopper went to open the door. It was the ants from next door.
And so it came to be that Grasshopper said to himself on New Year’s Eve:
“Shoot, the older quaint ants Bee forgot.”
Dad: oh good. i know how you love dogs. what kind of dog does she have? what's its name?
Me: idk if she even has a dog
Dad: well she must have a seeing eye dog
Every time me or one of my friends ever got a girlfriend he busted it out without hesitation. every.single.time.
My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
It's not proper to kiss on a first date.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
