"Herd."
"What?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"
You cow herds!
Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
I had to put my foot down.
Luckily, I was only grazed.
Stop me if you've herd it before.
"That was fowl," I told my son.
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
He's so gull-able!
But as I got closer it flew away
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander
Baaah-rain
I hope their wings don't get too tired on the trip. I know I know... I'll see myself out.
May he rest in fleece.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
Dad: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”
Talon shows
Iran.
So, I’m standing outside my office building with my older, wiser coworker, when he points up at a flock of geese flying in a V.
Me: [looks at the geese coworker is pointing to]
Coworker: “you notice how one side of the V is longer than the other?”
Me: “yeah”
Coworker: “do you know why that is?”
Me: “hmm... no”
Coworker: “there’s more birds on that side”
To cover their butt quacks!
They were charged with attempted murder.
It was a cacawphony
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
As soon as he comes through the door his wife excitedly tells him "Henry! You would never believe it! The sheep have formed a Jazz band! Isn't that great?!"
Henry, annoyed, replies "I know Mary, I fucking heard them."
I guess you could say they were Portuguese
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡It's a murder investigation.
Attempted murder
You run, you run so far away.
I got arrested for flipping him the bird.
Let's get the flock out of here.
"Dad, it's not a flock of cows."
"OK, a pride of cows then"
"Not that either, why are you so lame?"
"I dunno, a gaggle of cows?"
"Dad, it's a herd of cows. Herd of cows!"
"Course I've heard of cows. Look at that gaggle over there"
Was much harder work than expected.
I hope that it works out well. I'm afraid I won't have the skills to pay the bills.
My friend said "a herd of cows" "of course I've heard of cows, look there's a flock of them over there!" I never saw those men again...
"Herd' of cows, Dad."
"Of course I've heard of cows. Look, there's a whole flock!"
Heard of cows, of course I heard of cows. I just pointed out a flock of them.
Lizzy: Herd of cows, dad.
Dad: Herd of 'em? There's a whole flock over there!
"Look son a flock of cows"
"No, it's a herd of cows"
"Course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there"
