If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
What kind of tool fixes allergies?
Which sea creature fixes the ocean's instruments?
What kind of doctor fixes websites?
*Fixes tire balancer while working at assembly plant*
I know this girl that fixes air conditioners...
The latest version of the GasBuddy app has a lot of performance fixes...
... I'm finding MUCH lower gas prices today than just a few months ago!
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
What animal can fix anything?
I met a pretty cool guy who fixed my ripped shirt.
My wife says I'm useless at fixing electrical appliances.
Well, she's in for a shock .
I had a mechanic fix up my lunch
but he didn't know how to tuna salad
How does a locksmith fix a lock?
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Despite being an electrical engineer, my son couldn't fix the circuit
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.
My wife was fixing the length of my son's pants and I asked her how much that cost, was it a Chris, Luke or Liam?
She looked at me confused and said "What?"
I said, "I want to know how much that hem is worth."
How do you fix broken tomatoes?
i went to the chiropractor with back pain, i didn't think it was that bad. he looked at me and said i have scoliosis, and he fixed me!
What when fixed becomes broken inside?
What did the vegetarian use to fix his flat tire?
How many cats does it take to fix a table?
Cats can't fix tables, but it takes one table to fix a cat.
How do you fix Beyoncé's private plane
I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.
I’ve just watched a movie about a gentleman having his broken leg fixed with bandages and a plaster of paris....
......what a great cast!!
How does a farmer fix a flat tire?
I took my dog to get fixed but he’s not quite himself now.
He’s taking it kind of ruff.
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
How many lightbulbs does it take to fix a lightbulb?
doesn't matter, they can't fix it either way because they're not bright enough.
My belt broke, so I used my watch strap to fix it.
They fell down anyway. What a waist of time.
What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed his tooth?
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
Which card in a deck can fix your dog?
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
How long does it take to fix a hearing aid?
I submitted mine for repairs three weeks ago and I haven't heard a thing since then.
If any of you know how to fix broken hinges
Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails?
What did the electrician say to calm down?
Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
When I’m fixing an outlet and I get shocked
How do you fix a broken pizza?
How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.
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