I didn't know this but the first pun ever was in a fairy tale. A woman living in a tower threw down her hair so her suitor could climb up and she said "Hair you are!". Not the best, but good to know how Rapunzel got her name.

Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!

I’m so proud.

I am terrified of words that contain no vowels. I live in consonant fear of them.

My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.

Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.

The first round is 90 seconds to come up with as many puns as possible. Second round is teams, round-robin style. Any pro punners out there with tips?

If I get my face tattooed on my body, I'd get AHEAD of myself.

He wanted kelp flakes on his pasta (don't ask). I said "I don't have the shaker, ask mom to kelp you."

He immediately got a big grin on his face, just as mom rolled her eyes.

We were in class and my friend saw my eraser on the desk. He then takes out his own eraser.

Friend: Look at your eraser, so dirty and old whereas mine is so clean and pure.

Me: Don't be e-racist

Friend: ...

I was so happy that day.

If I made a slightly neurotic medicine to cure old age, I'd call it the 'Pill-grim-age'

Everybody would pay thousands to go on a trip to pilgrimage. :)

(first pun ever. Any tips how to get better?)

My First Pun here, please dont make me explain it, it just kills the Joke

The other day, we were getting my 3 year old daughter out of the bath. You know how cold that transition is.

D = daughter M = me

D: "Daddy, me owl."

M: confused face "What?"

D: shivering "whoooooo, hoooooo"

Her first pun!!!

He responded “I don’t know, I can Nazi German wieners.”

I chuckled because of the first pun and then stood in awe realizing he was making fun of my question.

But then I saw her face.

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

“Are you all Wright?!”

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

I was so happy for the newlywebs.

.. skydiving is not for you

Him: I’m working on eliminating all Cancers.

Her: Wow! Impressive.

Him: Then I’m moving on to Capricorns.

Thought I'd treat myself.

It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.

It’s very souperficial.

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."

..the horse was great, the car was a little buggy.

They were cooked in Greece

We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."

I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

I never looked back!

A newcumer

James Pond

"But it’s worth a shot!"

The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”

Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”

Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”

Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”

She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.

I asked him if he’s okay. He said, “Yeah, I’m great!”

Every time this queer couple lied to their son, he would see right through them.

>they were trans-parent.

They were cooked in Greece.