If Dollar Tree stocked "golden calf" figurines, it might be renamed "I Dollar Tree."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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I was so mad when Walmart ran out of figurines for the Nativity

Now I have to attend manger management

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Did you hear about the car company that has started making Star Wars figurines?

Toyota now makes toy Yodas...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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I saw a reddit post about someone having too many Dracula figurines

I knew my brother had the same problem, but the reddit account wasn't his. I told him about it and he said it was his post, so I asked "Throw away account?" He said "Yeah, good idea, I didn't think about that"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NO3-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Figurine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ehlol_com
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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I have a little figurine of The Sandman on my mantelpiece.

It's gathering dust.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology,...

I can give you a mini tour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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If I buy a Prius, I’ll make sure to put a bobblehead figurine of Yoda on the dashboard

Then I’ll have a toy Yoda in my Toyota.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlespendragon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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I gave my friend an Al Capone figurine for Christmas.

I'm a gangster wrapper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_marther_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Wife was decorating the house for the fall

"I never know what to put on the fireplace mantle."

"You should put a bunch of Disney figurines on it, with the mouse in the middle... it can be the Mickey Mantle."

"I ... need to go vomit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuzinrob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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Won't somebody please get my joke?

My daughter likes to play with her figurines in the bath. She likes to fill up the "princess" figure with water and say she's peeing.

Me: She must be a European princess then! Get it! A European princess!

My 3 year old and wife: No Respone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dieben
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
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Amphibious Lending policies

A frog walks into a bank. He walks up to a desk and sees the name plate "Patty Whack Loan Officer". He says "I'd like to get a loan to start a business making lily-pad art." Patty, a little put off by a talking frog says "Okay, but we are going to need some kind of collateral." The frog says"I have this." and he puts a small porcelain figurine on her desk. She says "That's very nice but I'm not sure it's enough. Do you have any references?" "Sure!" the frog replies. "My Father is Mic Jager!" Further taken aback, Patty says, "I'll have to check this with the bank manager." She calls the bank manager over and explains the odd situation. "I don't know what's going on...this frog says his father is Mic Jager and all he has for collateral is this...figurine thing." The bank manager looks up and smiles at her and says "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quicksdraw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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dad joked my brother

My brother was moving out of the house. Our mom had a bookshelf she was trying to give away to him. She was telling him it’d be great to put movies on, or CD’s, or figurines, etc. She listed everything but books. So, when she was done my brother said β€œoh yeah? What about books?” and without thinking I said β€œthat’s a novel idea”. He almost punched me in the face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raven_haired
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2014
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Manager smelled what my coworker was cookin'

So, I work with a woman named Libby who is finally retiring in two days. It's no secret that she has a crush on Dwayne Johnson, so as a parting gift/joke some other coworkers bought a figurine, a wall poster, and a life-size cardboard cutout of him and put them at her desk.

When I was visiting her, her manager swung by to see her 'guest,' and he asked if the celebrity was going to be staying in the office. Libby said "Oh no no--he's coming home with me!" He says, "Huh. I thought the pet rock fad died out thirty years ago."

He tried to play it cool, but it was pretty easy to tell that he was absolutely tickled with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSpiffySpaceman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiny_spring
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockstorm8232
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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