I fell asleep last night while reading old magazines.
I woke up this morning with back issues.
A bunch of books fell on me yesterday, but I couldn’t find anyone at fault in the accident.
I only have my shelf to blame.
A Norwegian fell down a canyon.
It was a Fjordian slip.
🍒🍓🍒
I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I can’t sit down and I have to listen to everyone’s wise cracks..
All in all it’s been a real pain in the ass!
What did the horse say when he fell?
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
A hatchling pterodactyl fell out of its nest.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
My brother stumbled and fell down the stairs
It wasn't a pleasant trip.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? I found out why it happened.
He couldn’t see that well.
I fell in love with a cardiologist
She knows what my heart needs.
I fell into a giant seasoning processor
Now I'm parsley disfigured
What happened when the geese fell down stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
I fell down a really deep dark hole today.
I couldn't see that well.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
Wife: "I accidentally fell asleep while grading my student's projects."
Me: "I guess everyone's getting Z's"
A man fell into a combine harvester while attempting to steal it.
Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.
I’ve got a friend that fell in love with two school bags
What did Matthew McConaughey say when everything fell out of his Reuben?
All rye, all rye, all rye
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...
I guess there is a mis-cat-culation
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
Fell into a snow globe.
No injuries, but I was really shaken.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff
A book just fell on my head
I only have my shelf to blame.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
I was walking down a hill and fell down.
What do you call a guy who fell into a well?
Just gonna leaf this here
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...
I fell asleep before New Years
Then Woke up in another year
When the local carpenter was asked what it was like when he fell through a window?
He said,” All I felt was pane.”
A copy of A Christmas Carol fell on my toe!
It hurts like the Dickens >_<
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.
I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.
I was stacking wood and a piece fell and tried to hit me
He was all bark and no bite
What is big, green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
What did the horse say when he fell down?
A Norwegian fell down a canyon...
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
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