Faults Puns

I said, no one talks to me like that, you're out of order

Good man, terrible geologist.

I don't listen - and something else.

I only have my shelf to blame.

I resent it.

My unwillingness to listen, and, eh, some other thing.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

I was basking for it.

I decided to hit the reset button in "relationship."

So I asked if that’s why people are admitted to the hospital

The earthquake caused a rift in my marriage.

I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied "six". I said how can he only be six if you're six?

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

the Federeral Reserve

I totally would if I had any.

Laziness walks in my family.

I am not!!

Han shot first.”

It was the Asphalt."

The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)

It was the asphalt".

Augustus Waters to his parents: "Hey guys, this is Hazel Grace."

Hazel: "Hi, it's just Hazel."

Mr. Waters: "Hi, Just Hazel!"

He had this awesome shit-eating/dad joke smile on his face it was perfct.

My family and I were driving to the mountains when my dad says "It's not my fault! Is it your fault? Who's fault was it?" The rest of us look at each other very confused. Then he says, "It's San Andreas Fault" right as we drive by it.

ladies and gentlemen, my father

There's a scene where the young couple visits the author (played by Willem Dafoe) who turns out to be a real jerk.

At first we thought he was a friend... Turns out he was Dafoe.

I went and saw author Bill Bryson speak last night and he told us how his dad used to make the most wonderful puns. I'll paraphrase best I can:

They had traveled from Iowa to California on vacation, and they were driving along the coast. They stopped at an informational plaque at the San Andreas Fault, and his dad walked straight up to the huge crack in the ground and threw a quarter in. When the kids asked why he did that, he simply responded "I've always wanted to be generous to a fault."

I don't listen and something else

1.i don’t listen and 2. Something else she said I don’t know

Good man, terrible geologist...

He was a good man, but a terrible geologist

Great man, terrible geologist

Good man, terrible geologist...

I don't listen to her and something else she was rattling on about.

Good Dad, terrible geologist.

I don't listen. And something else.

I don't listen...and something else.

Asphalt!